---@***
"Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!" Dorhnaira, a new, young Lady in Waiting exclaimed while looking at the morning paper in her room. "The Wandering Kazoos!" she almost squealed.
"What? Who? Where?" her, until now, sleeping sister replied. "Come now, we have another hour before we have to be up and get ready to serve her Worship," she groaned, pulling the covers up over her head.
"But Adgad!" She bounced over to sit beside her sister and pull down the coverlet. "The Wandering Kazoos!"
"No way! Let me see that!" she tore the paper from her twin sister's hands and scanned the second page.
"Do you think we could meet them? Darb is just gorgeous!"
"Why not?" Adgad brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "But as long as you leave Kerra to me, Dorhnaira, I'm happy." She grinned, and squealed. "In Mendellia!"
"Would you two keep it down?" came a mumble from the doorway. Obakip stood in the doorway rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"Oba'! Look who's finally coming to Mendellia!"
"The Queen of England?" she asked sleepily.
"No. The Wandering Kazoos!"
"You're joking."
"No, I'm not!" came the indignant reply, "It's in the morning paper!"
"Give me that!"
This scene repeated itself all over Mendellia. From the lowest street urchin, to little ladies in the nobles mansions. The Wandering Kazoos were finally coming to Mendellia, a nearly forgotten corner of the world.
***@---
The hangar bay was silent. The droids were sleeping, their lights flashing occasionally, their voices deactivated.
Sylvana crept through the gloomy space, pausing occasionally to run her hand over the fuselage of an X-Wing. Her bare feet made no sound on the cool metal floor.
She rounded the corner of the Red Home, intent on gliding noiselessly up the passenger ramp and finding her quarry. She had a mission, and was keen to complete it.
The door to the sleeping quarters slid open with Imperial swiftness. She slipped into the darkened room, sighting the motionless person on the bunk. She crept over to it, and leaned over, planting a chaste kiss on his cheek.
"Good morning, sweetie," she breathed in the snoring figure's ear. "I beat you, Mike. I got past all your defences and now you owe me dinner."
"Are you sure?" came a voice from behind Sylvana. She jumped as she realised the speaker was right behind her. Turning, she saw Mike grinning in the darkness. The tall Brit was wrapped in a thick dressing gown, and his long hair was damp. He flicked a towel at Sylvana, catching her lightly on her behind.
"Who? What? Mike? Who's this?" Sylvana asked, pointing at the recumbent mass as she got over the surprise.
"That would be your brother. We visited one of the local bars last night and he had a few too many drinks."
"How few?"
Mike paused as he ran through his memory of the previous nights events.
"Seventeen," he finally replied.
Sylvana scowled at her brother, before glaring at Mike.
"You let him drink that much? How could you?"
"I just did," he replied with a smile. "Come on, we've all done it. He'll feel better for it. Well, maybe not better," he added, as Arrek groaned, "but maybe a bit more cheerful."
"What do you mean?" Sylvana asked, immediately concerned for her brother.
"You didn't hear?" The Brit scowled briefly, before grinning again. "It's all the Ladies in Waiting have been talking about. The Wandering Kazoos are in town, and one of them, apparently, is the dead spit of young Arrek there. Everyone down the pub last night was buying him drinks, and he was getting really annoyed, 'cos he really hates the band. So he was drinking the drinks, and getting more and more annoyed, and drinking more drinks, and. . . . Why are you sneaking into my quarters anyway?" he asked, looking at Sylvana as though seeing her for the first time.
"Sci sent me to fetch you for training," she replied with a grin.
"I have a comlink," he replied. "And a phone. A pager. A computer. I have all kinds of communications devices. Why are you in my quarters?"
"Part of the training. Arrek's wanted as well. I guess we'll have to take him to see Rich and get him some coffee, too."
"Yeah. You take his legs, then. . . ."
---@***
Sci walked into the room through the side front door and shook his head. Mike sat there with an insufferable grin on his face . . . in a dressing gown with a towel around his neck. You'd think he thought he was Rocky Balboa. His gaze traveled further. Arrek wasn't even barely conscious, looking as though he was tossed into a chair like a rag-doll. Sylvana sat beside him, tossing her brother angry looks as though to say, 'wake up, Idiot, or we're gonna get iced.' She was sitting cross legged in her seat, barefoot as usual. She needs to start wearing shoes, Sci shook his head.
Those seated on the other side of the aisle were a bit more presentable. Josh Cochran sat with ankle on knee, dressed crisply in his flightsuit uniform. Becki sat beside him, hands folded in her lap as she waited expectantly. Brad - Sci shook his head again. Impenetrable as ever, arms folded, a semi-scowl firmly set in place.
Then, Sci smiled. He looked down at his datapad at whom he had set together, and knew that this would be fun for him to observe their reactions toward their teammates. He stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat, waiting until all looked to him. He hid a smirk as Sylvana jabbed her brother in the ribs roughly enough to wake him up.
"Woah, wha?" Arrek sat bolt upright, then put a hand to his head and looked up at Sci with bloodshot eyes.
Hungover. Definitely going to be interesting. Sci waited for the younger Lorrdain's eyes to focus, then began. "Most of you have a partial idea of what is going on. You're about to find out more. In light of recent events, I have decided to put the six of you through a training run."
"Why aren't you bothering with the others?" asked one with a smirk.
"Because the others are out doing something productive, Mike." Sci answered. "May I continue?"
The Brit nodded, waving his hand regally.
"Good. You will be set in three pairs for intrusion training. This will also give you a chance to learn to work together a bit more efficiently. Your targets, and more complete instruction as to what you are to do to them, will be transferred to your datapads at the end of the meeting. Are there any questions?"
Sylvana raised a hand, "May we choose whom we are partnered with?"
"No, you may not. You have to learn to work with whomever you are paired with on any assignment, therefore I get the honour of choosing."
He watched her shut her eyes and cross her fingers, Not Cochran, not Cochran, please not Cochran.
Sci grinned. "You, Sylvana, are to be paired with Josh Cochran."
"No! Please, Sci, Major, sir, don't pair me with him!" her eyes were wide in, was it terror?
Sci grinned. "And that reaction has just firmed my decision."
She folded her arms and pouted.
"Mike, you are to be paired with Becki."
"Wingmates! Yeah! Uh, Sci, don'tcha think that it's kinda stupid and favouritisimistic to put wingmates together?"
"Wingmates that have yet to actually work together? No, I thought the idea was quite brilliant."
Becki chuckled.
"But, Fearful Leader! Don't you think you should put her with someone more dependable? I mean, you might end up with frozen pink boxers!"
"You're not getting demoted."
Mike threw his hands up in mock frustration.
"For the third team, I have Brad and Arrek."
Brad clenched his jaw and sighed exasperatedly. "I'm paired with a drunk, how challenging."
Arrek grinned, "Alright! Hey," he turned to look at Brad a bit quickly, and moaned at the stupidity of that move. "Uh... Brad, can we fly in the Batwing?"
"No."
Sci allowed himself to grin then. Yes, this is going to be very interesting.
***@---
Mike stretched, the bones along the length of his body popping and clicking as another night in an unfamiliar bed took its toll on his joints. He smiled as the wave of heat flushed through his body. His vision cleared in time for him to catch the impish grin just fading from Becki's face.
"Ah, wingman," Mike said, a broad grin splitting his face in two.
"I'd correct you, but I suspect you'd have even more fun with 'wingmate'," Becki replied.
"You've been learning," he said, his grin even wider. "So, what are we doing?"
"Hunting a target, of some description. We're playing against the other two groups, and Sci's playing too."
"Good! Does that mean I get to beat him up?"
"Nice try, but I'm afraid not. He's going to be battlefield control, and our enemy as well. He's taking a skimmer out to hunt us from above, and he gets to shoot us if he sees us."
"Oh, that's not fair," Mike opined.
"I believe Sci would probably point out that in war, you have to learn how to cheat."
Mike sighed.
On the other side of the castle, the remaining members of Terra Group suited up. Equipped with stormtrooper armour, low power weapons and tracking devices, their 'something productive' would involve hunting their team-mates, and trying to kill them, in a mostly virtual way. It felt good to have the chance to be bad, and the opportunity for some OTT/classic 'villainish' moments in the exercise was too good to be true.
PK had opted for a Mendellian gown for "undercover reasons", and Emily was also carrying her sword, which was against regulations. Her feral smile when confronted about it had caused Sci to let her break regs, however.
Just this once.
As long as she put that ion strip over it.
---@***
"Glad to see you're finally awake."
Cochran sat up from where he'd been sleeping in the loft. "Do you ever sleep, Sylvana?" he asked as he brushed some straw out of his hair.
"Occasionally," she smiled, then dropped silently from where she'd been perched on the rafter. "Look, I know we got off to a bad start - but why don't we put differences aside and work together?"
Josh looked at her curiously - he could see that same uneasiness in her eyes her brother used to hold toward him. Sure, he was tall, but he was far from scarey.
"I'm not afraid of you," Sylvana stated flatly. "Just cautious. You are a Jedi, after all."
Josh frowned as he stretched out his budding Jedi senses. He couldn't get a proper reading of the girl, neither could he figure whether she was Force sensitive or not. Something just wasn't quite right.
"Maybe I can encourage a different feeling in you while we work together."
She smirked.
"Not that kind of feeling," he joked.
That got a chuckle out of her - at least she felt free to do so now. He got up and stretched, his fingertips nearly brushing the rafters of the barn's loft they'd taken up residence in. He straightened his black flightsuit, sans patches, then folded his arms regarding his teammate.
Sylvana bent backwards, swung around, then stretched. She had dressed herself in a matte black catsuit, and instead of shoes, wore some sort of black slipper - ensuring her continuance of silent travel. She grinned, "Let's go after Mike and Becki first."
He shrugged, "Sounds like a plan.
"Finally - no goofing off, no seducing women, no over drinking."
"But-"
"No, I am going to win this thing - and you're not going to stand in my way."
Arrek sighed. "You know, Syl's right - you DO need to lighten up."
"I'm light enough." Brad frowned. "Do you have your gear?"
Subdued, Arrek nodded.
"Good. Let's go."
***@---
Mike and Becki slipped out of the castle via one of Eugor Atner's old escape tunnels. Becki checked her tracking device, noting six moving targets scattered throughout the island. Sci's skimmer could be seen in the distance, heading out over the Pacific. They had half an hour before he returned to begin his hunt.
"Ready?" she asked.
"As ever," he replied. She looked across at her wingmate, who was suddenly serious. He was dressed in camouflage gear, a bright red bandage wrapped around a fake wound on his left arm. She sighed, for the umpteenth time, and wished that there had been something other than Predator running in the cinema for the last week.
Arrek's head pounded as he followed Brad through the grounds of the Palace. His tracker was beeping unnecessarily loudly, in a manner quite offensive. He groaned quietly, unwilling to further antagonise his head.
"Will you shut up?" Brad hissed. "I want to win this!"
"You've said," Arrek managed.
"Well will you PLEASE be quiet then?"
"I'm trying. Oh God, believe me I'm trying."
Up in the LiW quarters, Adgad leaned out of the window, staring dreamily out towards Darwinia, where the Wandering Kazoos were reputed to be staying. She sighed, a touch melancholy, until movement in the gardens below caught her eye. She looked closer, and gasped at the scene that presented itself.
"Dorhnaira!" she hissed. "Come quickly! You must see this!"
"What?" her sister asked, laying aside her needlepoint. She crossed to the window, and looked out, before gasping as her sister had done.
"It's them. . . ." she breathed, her voice catching in her throat.
"Darb and Kerra. They're here!" Adgad squealed.
Obakip walked in as she said it, and stopped in her tracks. "You're joking!" With an excited squeak of her own, she lunged for the window, knocking her fellow LiWs aside.
"Oh!" she said. "We have to meet them!"
Vickie was working alone, tailing Mike and Becki. Once again, her hand slipped inside her pocket, tracing along the edge of the formal duel challenge Mike had given her many months ago. One drunken night on Coruscant, he'd confessed to her that he never wanted her to accept, because "I know you'd whip my arse," a phrase that had bought Kelly out in uncontrollable giggles.
Vickie grinned at the memory, a smile that broadened as her hand fluttered over the hilt of her lightsabre.
Kristy waited patiently, having found a place to spring her ambush. She was accompanied by several Ewoks, and felt that the blue-and-white gown suited her. In colour, if not in form, it reminded her of one of her medi-review outfits. She smiled at the thought, but quickly returned to the task in hand.
Nick and Bethany sat high above the others, having commandeered a landspeeder for the mission. While, technically, they weren't supposed to use GFFA vehicles, there was nothing in the rules explicitly forbidding it. It was a loophole that Nick, with his new-found contract expertise, had quickly spotted. Bethany had wasted no time in hotwiring one of the castles personnel transports, and now they were circling the castle grounds, their high powered craft silently slicing through the early morning air.
"Can you even read that thing?" Josh asked, pointedly.
"Of course I can," Sylvana replied, sweetly. "Look, these blobs are over there, those blobs are over there. That blob is. . . . Ketchup?"
Josh sighed.
---@***
She stuck her finger on the red mass, sniffed, then licked the tip. "Nope, barbecue sauce." She grinned.
"Give me that!" he pulled the map from her hands and flipped it around so it was right side up. "We need a plan."
"We don't need a plan, we need a puppy."
"You need to learn to take things seriously."
"Being too serious could kill a person," she frowned.
Josh shook his head, motioned her over, and they began making their plan.
"Sylvana's team is likely in the stables," Arrek whispered.
Brad shot him a distainful glance, "What makes you think that?"
"She loves animals."
He shrugged, "It is good a place as any to start."
The three Ladies in Waiting quickly primped as they ran down the palace steps. They bustled into the courtyard and looked around. Adgad pointed in the direction of the stables, and the two retreating forms.
They straightened their skirts and primly followed them as to make it seem their meeting would be as much a surprise to them as to the supposed rock stars.
Mike's humming was barely audible.
"What's that?" Becki asked quietly.
"Hmm?"
"What are you humming?"
"My new theme song," the Brit grinned.
"Well stop, you'll get us caught."
"Sci isn't even on his way back yet."
"Knowing Sci, we won't know he's back until we've been caught."
<"Alright, we sneak up on them and make them play-dead. Not real dead, okay?">
Three ewoks yubbed their assent to the human.
<"We go now.">
Crispy lead his small team down through the bowels of the palace.
Sci chuckled, "They're going to be so busy looking out for each other and me, they won't know what hit them. I hope they get on their toes, or this is going to be a short spy-game."
***@---
Sylvana Lorrdain and Josh Cochran crept up on the stables, their eyes casting about for any sign of their enemy. She had convinced him of the need for an elaborate double bluff, banking on her brother's knowledge of her.
If he would expect her to be anywhere, it would be in the stables.
Josh Nolan and the Ewoks crept along the rooftops. Since being informed of the day's task, Josh had spent a busy few hours sawing through struts and weakening roofs on out buildings throughout the castle grounds. The element of surprise was everything, he'd learnt from Ooryl.
Arrek and Brad neared the stables from a third, entirely separate angle. Luckily -for us readers, anyway- conveniently placed bushes prevented them seeing their opposite numbers.
*Cre-e-e-e-ak*
"Keep that sithing door quiet"
"Sorry."
"What was that?"
"What?"
"Kind of a faint. . . yubbing. . . ?"
"Didn't hear anything."
"ATTACK!!!"
*Crash*
*Crunch*
"All wings attack!"
"But there's only us two."
*Zap* *Zap* *Zap* *Zak*
"Zak? Is that a guy? Can I kiss him?"
"Get DOWN!"
*Splat*
"Oh, bantha dung!"
"Close. Go ahead. Make my day."
*Groan*
*Zap* *Zap* *Zap*
Vickie stepped out of the shadows, her lightsabre humming to life just as Mike and Becki burst out of the stable. Mike came up short of the blade -just- but could feel the pulsing blade burning his stubble.
"En garde," Vickie commented, throwing the formal challenge at his feet. Becki stooped to pick up the form, and shrugged as she read it.
"It's legal," she confirmed. "Any time, any place, anywhere, you wrote."
"It's Martini..." Mike murmured. "Vickie, this really isn't a good time. We're kinda fighting for our lives here."
"Well... DUH!!" Vickie laughed. "I'm kinda on the other side, ya know?"
"Oh. . . Bugger," was all Mike could manage.
"Maybe not. Keep facing me and that shouldn't be a problem," Vickie replied, waggling her lightsabre suggestively. Becki groaned at the joke.
"Okay, okay. . ." Mike stepped back, and drew his lightsabre, thumbing one blade active. The two blades met in a shower of sparks, and as the two prepared to face off, Becki looked at her sensor pad. It showed a number of blobs closing in on their position.
Up, up in the sky, Nick detected a trio of blobs in close proximity. One appeared to be friendly, but the other two were definitely targets. Bent on saving his team-mate, he turned the land speeder in that direction. Bethany, in the co-pilots seat, did various computery things like locking weapons on target and so on. Things, in short, that your writer doesn't understand and can't fake.
Somewhat further up, a shuttle descended out of the atmosphere, its occupant bent on surprising her targets.
The lightsabre duel continued at speed. Several of the palace's buildings bore testament to wild strokes from one blade or another, while Becki had taken to hiding in a rain barrel, which seemed to be resistant to the wild lunges the two opponents were making at each other.
"You know, I'm sure, that I'm only toying with you," Vickie teased. "Just waiting until reinforcements show up."
"Sure. But that's okay, because I'm only rattling with you."
Vickie lunged, missed, and stepped back contemplatively. "Rattling?"
"Sure. It's like toying, but it's for those not yet advanced enough to use toys. Babies, and the like."
A laser blast scorched the earth between the two combatants, forestalling Vickie's reply. The two combatants looked up, and spotted Nick and Bethany screaming downwards in their landspeeder. Mozart's 40th blared in their wake, and as the landspeeder flashed over their heads, Nick was heard to comment: "No, track 11! Ride of the Valkyries! Oh, sod it, let's find some of the others."
Vickie and Mike looked at one another, blinked once, and returned to their duel. Becki peeked over the rim of the water barrel, but ducked as another wild sweep came close to giving her a hair cut.
High above Mendel City, the team pair of Emily and Ambassador Sharon Kerr was reliving the day the one had been shot by the other. "I never forgave him."
"He gave some really dumb orders."
"He always does."
"He's just really dumb."
"So the trackers work alright? We know which team is which?"
"And the prey thinks we're just moving cars or something. In theory, anyway. They've probably worked out by now that the rules aren't quite what they were told."
"You still got your sniper rifle?"
"Never enter negotiations without it."
"Good. I'm gonna get closer."
"Is that safe? No, forget I asked. . . ."
The only reply was a scary grin.
Brad and Arrek burst out of the stable, gasping for breath. The darkness had been briefly illuminated with blue ion bursts, but it was still not clear exactly what had happened. A faint yubbing could still be heard, although it was subdued and, Brad supposed, pain wracked. Behind him, a throat was cleared. He span around, drawing his blaster.
Becki had resolved to stay hidden in the water drum. If Vickie stuck her head over the rim, she'd shoot her. If it was Mike, well, she'd still probably shoot him. She tried deep breaths to calm her jittery nerves, but the constant clash of lightsabres outside her sanctuary kept her on edge.
"D'you reckon she's hyperventilating yet?" Mike asked. He stood languidly, with one arm behind his back, waving his lightsabre vaguely.
"Probably not. A couple more minutes should do it," Vickie replied, her pose a reflection of his. "Is it fair, trying to give your team-mate a panic attack?"
Mike shrugged, creating an interesting figure-eight pattern with his blade. "It's funny," he replied.
"But we're supposed to be duelling to the death. Or stun. Or whatever," she pointed out.
"Oh, okay. You always spoil all my fun," he replied, setting himself to accept her attack.
"Like when?" she replied, shocked by his comment.
"Like that time in Bulgaria, when you stopped me talking to that model," he replied, blocking a charge, and firing off a cross-slash that she caught just before it sliced her legs off.
"She was the local Mafia boss' mistress," Vickie replied, lunging forward, and driving him onto his back.
"Like I have anything to worry about from the Mafia. And what about that beach volleyball tournament in Hawaii? You know you wanted the guys team to come out without their trunks on. It would have been hilarious," he said, as he clambered to his feet.
"Jedi mind powers aren't for playing tricks. Especially not on global TV," she replied, allowing him to regain his feet.
"Okay, okay. . . But what about that meeting of the Bounty Hunters Guild on Coruscant? Why wouldn't you let me put a bounty on Sci's head? It was only a 'take alive', after all. . ."
Vickie's only reply was to fire off a repeated string of blows at Mike. She had to admit, she'd been tempted by that one. . . .
Josh and Sylvana were charging through a cornfield, trying to avoid Nick and Bethany's wild laser fire. Both were grateful that this is only a spoof, as their team-mates' shooting was normally much more accurate.
The two dived into another row as the landspeeder buzzed overhead.
"We can't go on like this," Josh commented.
". . ." Sylvana managed to gasp.
"Any ideas?" Josh asked. He watched meditatively, his aviator's eyes assessed the speed of the landspeeder (his tank driver's eyes were in his pocket, or, possibly, and much less gross, not) and its likely point of attack.
"Why don't we just shoot them?" Sylvana asked?
"Uh. . . I can't think of any reason why not," Josh admitted. "Okay, good plan. You shoot Nick, I'll shoot Bethany."
"Ah, equal opportunity killings. I like it," she replied with a grin.
The two took aim, and as the land speeder came in range, fired with pinpoint accuracy (they are heroes, after all), taking out Nick and Bethany in a barrage of stun bolts. Then they ran again, because Nick had slumped over the accelerator, and the landspeeder was headed directly at them.
Quickly.
The shuttle came in sight of the castle. The bio-sensors she had programmed indicated her prime targets were in close proximity to one another, jittering wildly. She steered in that direction, and when she came in range, she could see them bouncing around, trading lightsabre blows. The man seemed to be getting the worst of it.
She set the shuttle to auto-pilot, and headed for the exit ramp. As it glided over the heads of the combatants, she hopped out of the shuttle, using her Force powers to guide herself gently to the ground, exactly half way between the two fighters.
"Mind if I join in?" Kelly 'Deus Ex Machina' Antilles asked, grinning at her clone and her friend.
"Kelly, thank God!" Mike cried. "Vickie's trying to kill me!"
"What?" Kelly asked, looking at her clone/sister/whatever.
"It's true! She's being really boring! I can't take it!" Mike exclaimed, behind them.
"Oh! That's not fair," Vickie replied. "Kelly! I'm not being boring!"
But Mike had used the distraction to escape, tipping the water barrel over as he ran. Becki crawled out, soaked to the skin, and very disoriented. Looking around, she saw one pissed, and one confused Jedi, and decided discretion was the better part of valour. She too took to her heels, while Vickie fumed gently.
"Coffee?" Kelly asked, timidly.
"You're paying," Vickie pouted. "I'm gonna get him, one of these days. . . ."
"Let's go find Rich," Kelly suggested, leading Vickie away and out of the spoof.
---@***
"Oh my!" The three Ladies in Waiting stepped back, small hands to their throats. "We're very sorry, are we interrupting something?"
"Are you making a new music movie?"
"I love you! Can I marry you?"
Arrek and Brad slowly began backing away. "Uhm, ladies, I, uh, think you're mistaken."
"We can't be, Oh my! I can't believe you are actually here! Darb, Kerra, do you have any idea how godlike you are held here in Mendellia!?"
Dorhnaira fainted, and without thinking, Brad caught the girl before she could dash her brains on the ground at their feet. He quickly lay her on the ground. "Good day, Ladies." With that, he grabbed Arrek's collar and half dragged his teammate away in a mad dash for safety.
"That," gasped Sylvana quietly, "Was . . . another . . . close call."
"No kidding," Josh said quietly.
"Sci changed the rules."
"This means war."
"Look!" Sylvana tapped his shoulder and pointed to where Mike and Becki had appeared around the side of an outbuilding, crouched near a tree. "Do you have paper and a pencil?"
"Yes, why?"
"Gimme."
It was all Mike could do to keep from laughing his head off at the Ladies in Waiting meets Arrek and Brad scene before him. "Oh, my, TAWG!"
Becki waved a hand at him, "Shhh, or we'll be caught."
A moment later, a poignard appeared, with a twang, in the tree beside Becki's head. A note had been rolled up and attatched. She grabbed the poignard and tossed it to Mike as she read the note aloud, "Might as well give up, you're surrounded - of course, you could surrender and be assimilated."
He caught the poignard, "Hey, this looks like one of Sylvana's hair . . . sticks. . . ." His eyes widened as import struck his muddled brain. "DUCK!" He grabbed Becki and threw her to the ground behind a bush, soon diving behind her as a blue bolt lanced through and hit the tree before which they'd just been standing.
Kristy smiled, she didn't know what had caused them to pause, but she'd almost gotten them. Perhaps a few more minutes of waiting, and she'd have them in her sights once again.
"Who the sith are Darb and Kerra, and can I shoot them?"
Arrek groaned from behind the dumpster. "They're guys in this band, Wandering Kazoos. Apparently we look like them."
"I say we shoot them."
"We can't shoot them, that's not part of the exercise."
"Since when are you the sensible one?"
"Since I found out this was a spoof."
"Sith it!" Crispy uncurled from where he'd fallen to see the Ewoks he'd been working with limping toward him.
<"Blue light make us sleep, hurts now,"> yubbed one of them.
He nodded and groaned, rolling over on his back. He quickly sat up and let out a small grunt of pain as he did so. Then he brought a hand to his back, bringing it back, sticky. Was that blood? He sniffed it, then turned away and hurled. He'd landed right in a pile of Horse manure.
He rubbed his hand clean on the straw before him and stood uncertainly. "This is going to be a long day," he sighed.
***@---
Brad and Arrek ran for it, leaving Obakip and the sisters behind. They ran around the corner of the stables, colliding heftily -and noisily- with Josh Nolan and the Third Furred Preferred. They bounced backwards, collapsing noisily in a clatter of armour and equipment, and a squelch of still-fresh horse dung. Josh snapped upright in an obscenely rapid manner, and had his gun drawn and pointed at his two opponents quicker than you could say-
"Reach for the sky!"
(Well, okay, just as quick as that.)
Sighing, Brad and Arrek disentangled their arms and lifted them yonder-wards. Josh grinned, and took aim at his captives.
"This won't," he said, entirely truthfully, "hurt a little bit."
"Yub!"
*Zap*
"Yu-"
*Zap*
"Y-"
*Zap*
*Zap*
*Zap*
Josh spun around, and was thrown backwards by the blue stun bolt that smacked him square in the chest. He landed, brokenly, in a crumpled heap that owed more to rubber than it did muscle and bone. There was a satisfied sigh from behind the stable, and Mike stepped out with a grin on his face, a gun in his hand, and Becki behind him, reholstering her weapon.
"I can't begin to tell you," he began to tell them, "just how GOOD that felt."
The two standing members of Terra Group offered their fallen comrades a lift, and slowly the two men regained their feet.
"The rules have been changed," Becki commented. "Sci lied to us. Maybe we could work together?"
"What about Syl and PSB?" Arrek asked, a grim statement on his face.
"If we see them, we give them a chance to join us, otherwise. . . ." Brad pulled the blaster rifle from a fallen Ewok, and hefted it ominously.
"Otherwise?" A deceptively sweet voice came from above the group. They looked up, and Sylvana stood on the stable roof above them, the bow drawn, and an arrow aimed down at them.
"Fair play?" Mike asked.
"What's that?" Josh Cochran replied, stepping up beside her, a thermal detonator primed in each hand. "Like you said, the rules have changed. We figure taking you guys out has got to be good for our score."
"What about teamwork? Compassion? Comradeship?" Becki asked.
"What of them?" Syl replied, her eyes glinting. "I wanna win!"
"Oh," Becki said, a touch nonplussed. "When you put it like that. . . ."
Becki yanked her pistol clear of its holster, Thayer's pistol training giving her a speed that belied her stature. The weapon spat once, twice, thrice, all three stun bolts taking Josh C in the chest.
The former USAF pilot staggered backwards, dropping his grenades. These exploded, their ion circuitry sending a wave of energy into -and through- Sylvana's central nervous system.
The stunned woman spun, staggering drunkenly, before toppling backwards off the stable roof and landing heavily, if softly, in a hay cart below. Not, however, before her arrow had fired from her bow.
The oddly-tipped arrow hit Mike in the chest, the impact point triggering a wave of ion energy that fried every synapse in the Brit's body. Jerking spasmodically, he collapsed to the ground, dropping his pistol as he did so.
The pistol fired as it hit the floor, the ion bolt ricochetting off a conveniently hung frying pan, a complex arrangement of mirrors hung by Sylvana in a feng shui mood, and Josh Nolan's stormtrooper helmet, before finally catching Becki in the back.
Brad and Arrek stood motionless, afraid to move lest they trigger another improbable ocurrence.
"That," Brad said, eventually, "was unlikely."
"True," Arrek agreed. "What now?"
"We run," Brad said, his eyes widening as they fixed on a point over Arrek's shoulder. "We run fast."
With that, he took off, a small dust cloud arising, impressively, from the solid concrete pathway.
"What about the weapons?" Arrek asked, confused. Then he looked behind him, and started to run too.
Some way down the path, but accelerating, were their Dorhnaira and the other LiWs. Neither were they alone. Lots, and lots, and lots of young women had apparently heard the news.
Nearly two hundred young women, all between the ages of 18 and 25, were chasing our two heroes (Yay! Whoo!) towards our remaining villains (Boo! Hiss!).
---@***
Emily blinked at the tracking scope. "Two teams downed at once? Woah."
"Yeah, didn't know Brad was that quick, Arrek either."
"They're heading toward Fifth and Main!"
"Does Mendel City even have a Fifth and Main?"
Emily pulled out her sword, specially treated for ion blasts rather than cutting, and grinned evily. "Just drive."
Sharon's eyes widened, and she did as the teenager told.
Kristy looked at the crowd of young women and Ladies in Waiting running after the last team. She grinned, "I'll fit in perfectly."
Secreting her stun-set blaster in the folds of her gown, she quickly put on the image of a screaming this-is-too-cool-to-be-true girl, and was lost in the foreground of the pursuers.
Sci lazily turned around and headed back over Mendel City. The tracker lights for Cochran, then Sylvana, then Mike quickly followed by Becki, had gone out from the ion blasts - putting them out of the game. "Those four are going to be doing more training for weeks, if I can help it." He also decided on more training for Nick and Bethany. While he'd stopped their speeder from crashing by remote control, they'd left themselves far too open to Josh and Sylvana's attack.
Then he grinned, "That leaves Brad and Arrek. I wonder how they're do-" His eyes widened as he got a visual. Hundreds of besotted women were chasing them down the street.
He looked further in the direction they were running. "Straight into Emily. I'm half tempted to see how that would work, but . . . need crowd control." He shrugged and started shooting into the rear of the crazed crowd.
"What the Sith?" Arrek shouted as they heard ion blasts and the lessening of women's voices behind them.
"I'd say that was the cavalry, but there isn't one in this screwed up war game." Brad looked up to see them headed straight toward the levelled blaster of Sharon Kerr, and the brandished sword of Emily Janson. "Uh oh," he muttered to himself, pulling out his own blaster and getting Sharon, the more immediate threat, first.
The Ambassador fell back into the vehicle and lay still.
"Hey, that wasn't nice!" Emily jumped down and ran at them, screaming like a bean sidhe. Arrek blinked in surprise - this girl was as scary as his sister; maybe more so, seeing as he didn't know her well enough to strategise. He froze in surprise, but then had to keep running from the screaming women.
***@---
His charge led him straight to Emily, and he was lucky to avoid being bisected by her deadly slash. He ducked out of range, his head pounding, and fumbled at his blaster.
Brad, meanwhile, had spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Hefting his blaster rifle, he began firing stun blasts at the unarmed women, consciously aiming for limbs wherever possible. The girls stumbled and clutched at their limbs as Brad cleared the front ranks. High up in the air, Sci was thinning the crowd from behind. The sides of the crowd were beginning to get the message that the Wandering Kazoos were packing more heat than normal.
And this is a boy band we're talking about, folks. Normally, they don't get much hotter. . .
Arrek, meanwhile, was desperately trying to shoot Emily. His barrage of bright blue blaster bolts were constantly being evaded by the lithe young woman, and she even re-directed a couple back at him, Jedi style. It was, his groggy head slowly informed him, most unfair.
Finally, he spotted an opening, and he took it. He triggered a burst of fire from his pistol, and dived after the blue bolts, catching Emily off guard as a wild swing swayed her balance. His momentum carried her backwards, slamming her into the Jeep she and Sharon had used. She dropped the sword, the breath knocked out of her, and slumped to the ground.
She looked up at Arrek as he clambered painfully to his feet. Her eyes blazed defiance, right up until the point where he stunned her with her own sword. Any woman who reminded him of his sister had to be taken out of the game, armed or not, he mused.
He turned, and realised that the game was not going too well for his team.
Brad had eventually given up mildly stunning the LiWs when it became apparent he was under the guns of a landspeeder. He'd dejectedly thrown his gun to one side, and now PK was pressing the barrel of her pistol against his temple, taking malicious glee in his discomfort.
"Trickling streams," she said. "Babbling brooks. Waterfalls. Leaky fire hydrants. Come on, Brad. I know you had three big glasses of orange juice this morning. I know you left directly after the briefing. And I know you're busting for a pee. Just give up, and I'll let you go."
"Never!" the Aussie barked. "No surrender! Besides, haven't you ever heard of the Geneva convention?"
"No," PK replied. "I'm a biologist, Brad, not a geographer."
Brad groaned, and tried to move his head his head away from the gun. Apart from anything else, it was messing up his sideburn, and Brad was very protective of his hair.
Arrek knew he had a chance to save his team-mate. He felt somewhat ashamed of being hungover, self-centredly getting wasted the previous night had dulled his reflexes, and caused him and Brad no end of trouble so far. But this wasn't a time for reflexes. A steady hand was all that was needed. Carefully, he drew a bead on PK's back, as she stood beside Brad, holding him prisoner, and waiting for Sci to land.
Brad felt the barrel of the gun press hard against his temple briefly, before PK sighed and slumped away from him. He looked down, and reached out to take the gun. Looking up, he saw Arrek standing before him.
"You look like crap," Brad offered.
"I feel it, too. But I did just save you."
"And it's appreciated."
The two partners looked around them. The women had, mostly, lost interest in them, and their fellow TG team-mates were as good as dead. They wandered over to the Jeep, and collapsed into the seats, after turning Sharon's body out onto the road. Looking around, they spotted Sci striding out from between two buildings, a rifle resting arrogantly on one shoulder. Their leader looked around, and spotted the two men in the Jeep, and strode over. Reaching his troops, he exchanged salutes.
"You won," he said.
"Not yet," Brad replied.
Sci looked down, and noticed, with a scigh, that both men were pointing guns at him.
"Is there any way, and I mean any way at all, that I can convince you not to shoot me?" he asked.
"Not only is there no way whatsoever," Brad began.
"But we'll also not help you when Mike, Becki, Josh and my sister regain consciousness. They weren't happy," Arrek concluded.
Sci groaned. Firstly, because of what he had in store for him, secondly, because Brad and Arrek took the opportunity to stun him.
The two men slumped back in their seats.
"We won," Arrek said.
"Yep," Brad replied. Exhaustion washed over the two of them. Looking up, they saw Obakip, Adgad and Dorhnaira approaching the Jeep. As they watched, a few of the more hardy WK fans joined them. Eventually, almost a dozen girls were approaching the Jeep.
"Can we move?" Arrek asked. Brad checked the Jeep's ignition.
"No keys," he replied, wearily. "Can you run?"
"Can you?" Arrek replied. "I guess we just have to face it like men."
"Is this your new video?" Obakip asked, looking around uncertainly as she stood beside the Jeep.
"It could be," Arrek allowed, not quite lying. "What can we do for you ladies?"
"Well, we want to spend time with you..."
"...get to know you..."
"...ravish you." This last was said by a particularly direct thinker.
Arrek and Brad looked at one another, then shrugged.
"Why not?" Arrek said. "You girls have shown a lot of perseverance today."
"True," Brad said. "Luck, as well. I think that deserves some kind of reward."
And reward there was. On all sides. And Brad and Arrek faced it like men.
END
---@*** - Written by Sylvana
***@--- - Written by Mike