Brimstone Under the Rose By Sylvana Lorrdain, and Josh Nolan --------------- I was released from recovery and took my hoverchair back to the garden. I couldn't help but look about nervously to be sure the Firerreo, the one who looked so much like *him* was there. The way seeming clear, I headed toward the large, beautiful tree that was central to the garden. It was old, and held great comfourt to me. I'd been there earlier, and the way the high flowering bushes surrounded me when I was there, could help me forget, even a little, of where I was... why I was there. The flowers were such a beautiful blood crimson, and pure white they brought to mind a book I'd read back in university. A story about the forbidden affair between a Nightingale and a Rose... I couldn't help but smile a bit as the tale came to mind. Carefully I moved my right arm in wonder of galactic technology. Somehow they'd managed to bind the bone back together and mend some of the muscle. It was a relief to have use of it once more, though the use was limited. I wouldn't be surprised if it took plenty of physical therapy to get back to where I'd been. I'd been told they did the same with the rest of my broken form, though they said they'd need to do more work on my leg. Apparently it'd been nearly shattered. It was enough to barely stand on, but it hurt too much to put weight on it for walking just yet. My fingers lightly played against the bandage in wonder, as I found myself thinking back to the conversation I'd heard while wading my muddy way to consciousness. The nurses were gossiping... something about how my DNA scan showed me as a strange breed of human. I laughed shortly, as I rested my hand against the tree. They had No Clue how close to the truth that observation was. I shuddered to think what might happen if they did. I took my hand down and redirected the chair even closer to the tree, then rested my hand back against it, my forehead against the comfourting cool bark. In beauty of twilight, the sun heading for home as soft lights came down from high lanterns, a slight breeze carried words to my ears. At first they seemed murmur, but... soon their voices grew stronger until I could finally make out what was being said. This speaker's voice was resonant, and gentle - like a wise and authoritative teddy bear. "- know I'm not telling you anything. You strike me as a veteran yourself. How do you deal with the memories?" I moved away from the tree, just a little, as I tilted my head to better listen. I'm curious, can't help it. It's the way I'm wired. The voice that replied was too familiar, the accent marking it as seperate from other voice I'd heard today. "I try not to think of them, frankly. But I think the mind just kind of scabs them over. I remember intellectually that I was frightened and scared - and horrified, too, I guess - but I don't feel it in my gut, you know? That doesn't stop 'em coming back in a flood sometimes, but most of the times they're just... there." There was a pause. "'Course, I'm not telling *you* anything here, either - I guess I'm just making you jealous." My attention, of course, was grabbed. That was Josh Nolan's voice I heard now. It seemed he knew how I felt. Memories were, indeed, a horrible thing. The first voice sighed, tinged with weariness and pain. "You are right. I'm insanely jealous. But no-one here knows how to ameliorate memnii - I'm not even sure if it can be done." Perhaps he shouldn't see me, I am probably one of those bad memories. I turned her hover-chair to go back toward the building but... too late. Josh, and his companion, were turning the corner. Josh was obviously considering a reply, but he froze, the words unsaid, when he laid eyes on me. His companion was less perturbed, although he did make a slight gagging noise as he turned and studied his conversationalists' reaction. After a moment, he turned his gold-and- purple visage back to me and spoke. "I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met." He then made another small gagging sound, and held out his right paw. I couldn't help but be self-conscious of how I looked, recent surgeries leaving small scars on my temple. My nose had been reset and healed into place, though I was certain I must look a fright. "Pleased to meet you," I replied, noting my voice seemed weak, even to my own ears sounding uncertain as I shook his paw. "I'm Sylvana Lora- er... Lorrdain." How could I slip like that? Easy, I've been thinking over the old life lately. It was then that I fully noted Josh's frozen stance. Yes. I must definitely look a fright. "Uh..." he finally spoke, sounding uncertain himself, "Solun, this is Sylvana, my teammate... Syl, this is Solun... uh...." he trailed off, throwing an apologetic glance at the alien. "Solun Kla'Unkell," his companion supplied smoothly. "I'm a patient here, like yourselves. And I must say, it is a rare pleasure that such a beautiful flower is planted in our midst." It was delivered simply, with an avuncular smile instead of a Billy Dee Williams smirk. The kind smile was disarming, and I couldn't help but smile slightly in return, though mine, I'm sure, was more hollow than having much meaning. "Thank you, Solun Kla'Unkell." "You're making friends?" I questioned, turning my face to look up at Josh. There was a hint of jealousy in my voice, I myself could hear it. Not so much because it seemed he was making friends with such a kind... 'inmate'. More... because he was able to. I was afraid to. "More of a win some, lose some kind of deal," he admitted, still obviously very uncomfortable. I wonder why? Am I that horrible to be around? "I met Solun, and a guy called Herthrir..." Mention of the being caused me to involuntarily whimpered slightly, "Met him...." I said quickly, in a hauntedly worried voice. What had he said? What could he have told? Wait, no... he thought I was LEIA. Even so, my free hand twisted at the loose pants of my Lorrdian style clothing as I turned the hoverchair to look around quickly and see if he, too, had come along. "... and then a Wookiee called Kelcho tried to tear me into little pieces," Josh finished. Just then, there was a slight movement behind me, and I swiftly dove out of my chair, rising to a sort of crouch, my injured limbs behind me toward the tree as I prepared herself... for what? I found that I didn't know, it was an automatic reaction. Was I that paranoid now? As I reacted, Josh continued, "Uh, Herthrir was telling us he'd met Princess Leia in the garden, but I figured he'd actually run into you. I, uh, hope he didn't freak you out or anything. He seemed a little weird." When he finished speaking, I felt my eye twitched slightly as I relaxed only minorly, "Just a little...." My eyes darted around the place - frustratingly blurry - automatically looking for threat; even though I felt I should KNOW there wasn't one. Solun made that little gagging noise again, and Josh came closer, crouching slightly. "Syl? Are you okay?" Even through the blurriness, I could see the wince that crossed his face after he asked the question. I, myself, winced as my newly mended right leg collapsed a bit behind me. "Yeah... sorry," she looked down. "I'm a little.. high strung right now," I tried to explain, furiously pushing down the panic rising within me once more. What was my problem? Okay, stupid question, I knew exactly what my problem was - but why couldn't I overcome it? Josh laughed, a note of hysteria putting a lie to the sound. "Yeah, you've been having your limbs put back together, I just avoided having mine ripped apart. Quite a pair, huh?" I tried to laugh with him, though it came out a bit hollow. "Well, at least I can put YOU back together, I can do nothing for myself," I winced terribly as she fell back on my rear, my leg giving out completely under the pressure. I saw Josh hesitate for a moment, and then move over to try and help me back to my feet. "Sol, could you just grab that chair... Syl, maybe we should get you back where you don't have to stand...?" Feeling idiotic, I accepted his help, "Sorry," I mumbled. "Sithspit I'm jumpy...." it was more a self-evaluation than anything. Solun brought the chair around behind me, and Josh put me - not ungently - onto its padded contours. "Should we - should I go?" he asked once I'd been settled. "It's no matter to me, It's nice to see a familiar blur," I sighed. "I'm keeping mostly to myself - I haven't had the best of... meetings today." "Yeah, I can see how Herthrir might have made it a bit rough," said Josh. Although the odds against him knowing the full scope were astronomical, I couldn't help but feel the fear rising once more. He looked like he was going to continue, and then swiftly switched topics. "Wait up - blur? Are the treatments affecting your eyesight or something?" "No, I haven't seen well since I woke up on the ship," I shrugged - it wasn't much of a deal to me, considering everything ELSE happening lately. Josh backed away, and I thought I saw his face paling. "That's... that's peculiar," he croaked uncomfortably. "Peculiar or not, it's annoying," I muttered, then frowned at his reaction. "What's wrong, Josh?" Solun moved closer to him, made that gagging noise, then echoed, "Yes, what's wrong?" Josh glanced at Solun, then stared back at me, stammering, "Uh.. noth... nothing, just... I think I'm a little... uh, shock, yeah, that's it, shock setting in." He backed up a few more steps, then ran into the trunk of a tree. In an instant, he dived to the side, rolling and coming up in a crouch, his hands pointing an invisible blaster at it. He held the pose for a moment, then fell back onto the ground, holding his hands in front of his face. "Nothing," he repeated softly. "Nerfsith it's nothing," I found myself saying under my breath as I cautiously approached. I could feel the frustrated look on my face soften, my chair hovering not far from him. "Josh..." I spoke his name softly. "It's okay, I'm sure they can fix that too." Hm, always trying to make other people feel better. Maybe if I could actually *succeed* at it, I wouldn't be such a wrek. Josh lowered his hands from his face and gave me a haunted look - one I knew all to well from having it stare at me from the mirror. "They shouldn't have to," he whispered. Then his eyes flicked behind me, and he dropped his hands entirely. "Oh, *crap*." I swiftly turned my head to look behind me, and saw Solun on all fours, shuddering. As I watched, he made a loud retching noise, and a small amount of bile dripped from his mouth. Josh scrabbled to his feet, and dashed over to him. I turned my chair chair, doctors instinct taking over, and approached. "What is it?" I asked, knowing my tone of voice showed I desperately wanted to try and help. "He's a Caamasi," Josh explained, scrambling to give some physical support to Solun's trembling frame. "He got a whole pile of heavy-combat memnii, and I think we just set him off big time." "Not much I can do about that," I said in frustration, getting out of the chair and half crawling, half dragging myself beside them, "But I could try to settle his stomach." It was an old tale. The need to be needed. I'd often learned that someone suffering depression could go two ways. One, retreat into themselves. Two, try to act like nothing was happening, and do everything they can to help other people - hoping that in bringing others succor, they themselves might find hope. They'd find out about me soon enough anyhow, I was certain, and this kind Caamasi's pain was my fault too. I reached forward with my left hand to touch his body, approximately near where his stomach would be, and closed my eyes, concentrating. I could feel the warmth of the Flows envelop me, then pour through my hand to slowly soak into him as I attempted to bring healing to the chemical reaction severe memory brought - a biological reason to retch. I tried also, to ease the pain in his spasoming muscles. When I'd finished, I glanced up to see Josh staring at me in surprise and perhaps not a little fear. "What -" he began, when Solun coughed and stirred. "Oh, that was a bad one," Solun muttered, and spat on the ground. Josh helped Solun to his feet, where he wavered unsteadily. "Thank you both," he said, more loudly, then looked down at me. "And I see you're out of your chair again." I shrugged, "I'm glad you're feeling better." "We're a sorry, broken lot, aren't we?" observed Josh, trying to make sure Sol could stand on his own. It was then that I avoided looking at them both, I wasn't blind, just had blurry vision - and I had seen the look on Josh's face. "I'm fine," I could hear the nervousness permeating my voice as I reached one-handedly to pull myself into my chair; still avoiding my teammate's gaze. "Go ahead and say what you're thinking," I spoke bitterly. "I know I'm a freak." Solun burst out laughing, much to my surprise, and I looked up to see him losing what little balance he'd regained, leaning heavily against Josh. "Of course you are, lady," he gasped out. "We're all freaks, or we wouldn't be here." He gasped for breath once more, then continued in a more normal tone, "Don't be ashamed of what makes you different. I don't know what brought you here, lady, but if it was by choice, I doubt your choices were more foolish than mine. And if it was not, why then be ashamed?" "Can you warn me before you do that again?" Josh asked the Caamasi, trying to readjust his hold on him. He turned to me, gave me an appraising look (under which I faltered and looked away) then spoke. "Syl, most people I've ever met wear 'freak' as a badge of pride. And do you want to know what I really think? I really think that being your friend would be something to be prized. Friends keep friends' secrets, after all." And, though it was hard to tell... I think he finished with a wink! "There was fear in your eyes," I replied simply... stubbornly. "Please, don't tell anyone - especially if we ever go back." No, I couldn't let myself panic again. Once in one day was enough... wasn't it? Solun, steady on his feet once more, stepped away from Josh, his stance apologetic. "I believe I am but a spectator in a long and torturous tale... perhaps it would be best if I bid you farewell." "It's a tale best untold, I'll go - no reason for you to leave." I turned my chair away and started heading down the walk in a hasty retreat. When I looked up to be sure I was going the right direction, I wished I hadn't. "Princess!" shouted Herthrir as he closed in like a gleeful rancor upon its prey. I shrank away from him, "I told you, I'm not a princess anymore, dammit, just leave me alone!" I was frightened, I was angry, I was... I don't know what I was, I just wanted him to go away! Then, two figures interposed themselves between us. "Herthrir," Solun's voice rumbled, "You were told to stay away from her. Go home." "But.. I only wished to speak -" "Listen to what Sol says," added Josh, stepping forward aggressively. "You're upsetting her, a lot, so you'll go away *now*." "My intentions -" "-are not important," finished Solun. "Your actions distress her greatly. Leave us be." "But I can soothe her -" "You'll be soothing your fucking balls in a minute, mate!" snapped Josh furiously. "Get. Fucking. Gone." "You've seen him beat up a Wookiee," said Solun. "What do you think he can do to you? You'd best leave before you find out. We can talk later, if you want." Herthrir gave a final glance toward me, then to Solun, then finally at Josh - and fled. Though, just then it hit me what I'd said. 'I'm not a princess anymore'. I found myself terrified of my outburst. Solun turned back towards me. "I think, perhaps, we should take you back to your room so you can get some rest, dear lady." I could see Josh was still staring after Herthrir, his jaw jutting and his fists clenched, breathing heavily. I myself fell silent, but nodded, shaking a little, as my mind flew back through time. A being with gold and silver striped hair stalked me menacingly. Not like I could go anywhere. I was stripped naked, and my arms were tied painfully to a post above me as I fearfully watched the Elenari noble approach. He had given me a cruel smile, raising my chin with the butt of a whip tipped in rusted iron nails. I remember whimpering, shaking my head negatively. "=Im thenin, anna'peth... Im avad aderthad....=" (1) I whispered aloud, lost in thought and memory. "Im avad aderthad...." I said nothing more, as they helped me to my room. I remembered my surroundings enough to nod my thanks when I slipped inside, shutting the door behind me. Thoughts swirled in my damaged mind. *They can't find me here, can they? I let out my secret with a Terran around, have I lost my safe zone?* And one thought, prevalent above the others. *I'm never going to leave my room alone again.* ======= Josh stalked away from Syl's quarters, Solun ambling along behind him. "A sweet girl, under the fear," Solun observed. "You say you came in with her - do you know what caused all those unfortunate injuries?" "Yup," Josh replied, his tone neutral. "Every one of 'em." "Am I cleared to know what it was?" Josh paused, turned to face Solun, and nodded. "It was me." ------------- (1) I truly give my word, I won't return!