Spoof! Terra Group Perpetuation: The Movie Radio Show By Durandir and Sylvana (and maybe others? I don't remember.... It was at Durandir's house, though, I remember that much!)(circa 2004ish) --- "While Becki and Thayer were on their first night of the honeymoon, the wedding party people types were guarding the way up to make sure the press didn't go after them - all camped out on the mountain road. Lots of wine was available. I mean LOTSSSSS of wine. As in... High-Proof-Ralltiiri- Wine-From-The-Antique-Pilotchat-Closet kind of wine. 1k proof even." "We get the idea." "Lots of drinking, then boredom as the Paparazzi decided to actually NOT do their job." "Maybe they were all drinking at the shrieking virgin?" "Maybe.... Oh wait! We drugged them. I forgot. Anyhow, we got bored." "Very bored." "And started fooling around, well... because we were drunk." "Were we playing spin the bottle? Things like that always get carried away, you know." "Dunno where Arrek went, probably either passed out or wandered off to talk with squirrels." "Apparently in this spoof Hobbie and Syl are broke up, too. Otherwise this story couldn't really make much sense now, could it?" "It really does make sense." "A little." "If you squint." "And turn your head sideways." "On sleep deprivation." "So anyhow. Sex." "Everyone." "*Hopefully* they at least had the decency to go off the path on their own and not all just do it around the campfire like a bunch of freaks." "Which they are." "But they're all too drunk to remember just WHAT happened, just that well.. stuff happened. In fact, the women aren't too sure just WHO they slept with." "As we said before, they were far too drunk to recall much of anything other than. well. yeah. anyhow...." "Eight months later..... you've got seven pregnant women." "We open the story with Sci complaining that half his team is PREGNANT! and too far along for this sort of mission." "Grr. Arg." "He's miffed, but then every single one of them must be involved, unless one or two of them just went around and slept with all the women. So... with half his agent's pregnant and... incapacitated -- Sci asks Thayer to join in." "Thayer is All Too Happy to fill in." * Thayer: You expect me to fill in for seven pregnant women? Sci: At least you won't have to be here to put up with seven pregnant women! Thayer: I'm in! * "At which point at least one or two-" "Or seven." "-of the women all burst into the planning room, demanding chocolate." "And pickles." * Syl: And fried squid! Crawler: I swear if I ever find out who did this to me.... GAAAH!!!!!! I'm going Lorena Bobbit!!!! Lenka: I want a pet dolphin. Yesterday. Noreh: I can't FIT IN MY FIGHTER!!!! Becky: I'm out of pancake mix =pouts with flour scattered all over her= It's Syl's fault. Pikay: Well you're the one who asked her to get the flour down out of the cupboard Noreh: And it's your fault for dropping the eggs, Kristy. PK: I didn't! Naira: Yes you did, we saw you. PK: Not my fault. Becky: I'M STILL COVERED IN FLOUR!!!! =bursts into tears= Syl: But it looks so good on you *smirk* * "Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera." "Meanwhile, the men have all snuck out the emergency sneak door that Sci got installed the minute he found out half his team was pregnant... he knew them." "He knew they'd be like this. He knew..." "They'd need an escape route! So, escape they did." "To plan." "Y'know, their mission." "The one they had to go on without half the team..." Thayer: Hey! They invited me along too! "Shh, we're telling a story here." Thayer: =grumps off= "Anyhow, they planned their mission. It was an important mission. You see... they had to save the Snozwangers from the Vermiscious Kanids. The Oompa Loompas were no help." "Stupid orange midgets." "Not that we have anything against orange midgets." "Or stupidity." "*Ahem.*" Sci: ANYHOW!!!! "Yes, they were planning their mission. And well, the plans were successful. To a point." "As in, they got planned. That was about the extent of their successfulitivities." "Which means they failed miserably." "Have YOU ever seen anyone fail happily? I think not. Therefore they were miserable." "MEANWHILE, back at the palace, roughly an hour later, the women were still arguing over pancakes." * Syl: Well.... I didn't mean to spill the water too. Becki: I'M COVERED IN GLUE!!! "Just then a small orange man with green hair ran up." Naira: Great. First Ewoks, now Oompa Loompas. Got lost from your chocolate factory? *sighs, and pulls pieces of flour-glue out of her hair.* Oompa: Quick, you gotta help, they got stuck! Crawler: With all this glue around, I'm not surprised. Oompa: No no, your men, they're trapped, the Vermiscioius Kanids built a pack with the Snozwangers, and banded against the human type people things!!! Crawler: Oh is that all, =goes back to putting chocolate chips into her pickle sandwich=- Noreh: The What got the Who? Syl: Call for the translator! Becky: Call for the translator! Naira: Call for the translator! Crawler: What they said. Pikay: Call for the translator! Lenka: Call for the translator! Noreh: I thought *you* were the translator. Lenka: Oh. right. Uhm, what was that again? =absently munching on pickled doughnuts= Oompa: The Vermiscious Kanids built a pack with the Snozwangers and banded against human type people things - YOUR MEN ARE IN MORTAL PERIL! Lenka: he says the guys messed up again. Syl: Oh, is that all? Well, c'mon, let's go! =pops tuna and chocolate sandwich into her mouth and waddles along= * "So they go and they save them, but we leave that unsaid, for the task of keeping everything timelined and coherent is just too great at Eleven Twenty-Eight-" "-Indiana Weirdo Time (no offense to any Indianans, including that nice Jones chap)." "The women waddled along down the ramp of the Ship With No Name, for they didn't have time to name it." "Not like that guy in the desert with his horse. Pfah!. I mean, if you're in the desert, with a horse, and nothing to do. NAME THE STUPID HORSE ALREADY!" "But we digress." * "The women waddled down the plank, all laughing and talking." Crawler: Did you just SEE his head come off! It was like butter! Like Barba Streisand's butter. Pikay: I'm going to hurl =runs further away to find a restroom= Syl: Yeah, or how about the way they just went squish if you punched them to hard? Naira: me too... =groans and runs off holding hand over mouth= Syl: Great shot by the way, Becki! That Vermiscious lost his Kanid REAL good on that one! "We would like to state that we have no idea what a Vermiscious's Kanid is." "Yeah." Becki: =Beaming= I finally hit something I AIMED for!!!! Syl: My head hurts.... and I gotta pee. Noreh: Like a racehorse? Syl: Like a rancor. Noreh: You're weird. Syl: Thank you =runwaddlepottydances to the bathroom= Lenka: Did anyone notice that the Snozwangers looked rather like pulled toffee? Crawler: Yum... toffee.... Becki: I think there's some in the kitchen. * "while all this is going on, the guys are glumly sitting in the belly of the Ship With No Name, that has absolutely nothing to do with the horse." "We'll heretofore call the ship BOB." "So the boys were in Bob's belly." "Not Bob Barker. Bob the ship. Just so you know. Yeah. "And they were glum. Not Gollum. Glum." "They mostly don't speak in the third person of themselves." * Brad: This is all pointless, I think it's a downright stupid idiotic - Mike: Mike thinks that Brad needs to calm down. Brad: Brad thinks that Mike needs to keep his mouth shut. Nick: Nick thinks that Brad and Mike should be embarasseder. Crispy: Josh thinks that it's all Evil Joshs' fault. Psyche: Josh thinks it's Crispy's fault, as Josh is the Real Josh and Crispy is just a stormtrooper trapped in a good guy's body. Crisp: Crispy finds it amusing that we are all speaking in the third person, Darksideypants. Arrek: *snigger* Thayer: Thayer's getting a headache and just wants to go home and sleep. Sci: Sci thinks we should stop talking in the third person. WE sound like =(insert big wordy type description of idiot here)=. Arrek: =falls off his crate in laughter= * "Of course, when the women went into labour later that day-" "All of them." "At the same time?" "Because this is fiction and we can do that dangit! At The Same Time. "The men all realised they had a problem." * Sci: So.... who's the Daddy? We've got quite the question of paternity to solve. Crispy: Considering we don't know which woman we knocked up, or even if it's us at all? Nick: Exactomundo Dude. "But that's a story for another time." "However, this would all be easily solved with a time-turner. Please turn to The Prisoner Of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling for the description of Time Turner." "Of course we could also build a time machine, but that would just be lazy. So we're going to steal from wizards." "Because we're smart like that." "Suddenly, appearing beside Mike, the resident HP fanatic, was a lovely necklace with a wee egg-timer on it." Mike: This is an egg timer. "For the purpose of this story, it's a time tuner, now turn time already so we can find out what happened!" Mike: -shrugs and turns time tuner in such a way that it is turned turneriffically- Sci: Now you're just getting silly. "Hush, our story, our silliness, if you don't behave we'll put you in a pink tutu." Sci: =glares but says nothing= "The time turner was turned, and then the boys all somehow managed to get inside this wee little necklace, so they could see what happened, for they couldn't trust Mike to go back alone and return with the real information." Crispy: He'd probably make things up. Like make the fathers squeaky aliens or something. Mike: No that's you. Crispy: Oh right. Carry on then. Mike: =ceremoniously turns the turner thing= "I think you already did that." Mike: It's been months, it has to be done a few times. "Oh, okay." *poof* "Just as the game of Spin The Ewok starts getting out of hand, and the partiers are quite drunk, Mike drops the timeturner, the wall goes blank, and the reel of film starts rattling." "Or not." "That would be a pretty sucky ending, wouldn't it?" "Not to mention anticlimactic - I want to know who was brave enough to bed Crawler!" "Allow us to play the audio, in order to keep some minds from being irreparably scarred." "Or because we were low budget and it is now a radio show." "Whatever works." * "It was only a matter of time" *snigger* "Oh shut up, we're just..." "Just nothing, did she just shout 'Oh Wizard'!??" "I dunno, but I think I heard him say 'I don't know about dancing in the pale moonlight, but I can take YOU dancing, Moonchild'." * "Who knew he could be such a smooth operator?" "Must be the mystery." "Or the rank." Yeah, LIW's go for rank." "Shut. Up. Or I'll promote you, Mike." "Shutting up sir." * "Oh look, they can *actually* interact without arguing OR trying to kill each other! How'd you do that Crispy?" "I dunno... maybe it's the accent?" "Look out for that scalpel!" "Oh shut up." * "And we thought she hated you." "I have charm?" "No I thought it was the six five ego." "That too." * "Do you two ever give it a rest?" "Shut up, or you're out of the time turner!" "It's an egg timer." "I'm warning you!" "Ouch, hey! Okay!" * "It's all their fault, y'know!!!!" "how do you figure that?" "They left us with a case of wine while they went on their honeymoon!" "Point." "I know." * "Girl pulls boy from smouldering rubble... boy gets it on with girl-" "One more word and you're dead." "Word." "I'm going to kill you." "Ahhh!!!" * * * The screen had been blank for the last part of the movie, as the narrators stated was due to a shortage of budget. Four heroes of the New Republic sat staring at the screen, unsure how to react. Hobbie ran a hand through his hair and blew out a perplexed breath, somewhere trapped between Horror, Shock, and Confusion. "That has to be the weirdest story I've ever seen." Popping some more candy into his mouth, Wes chewed thoughtfully. "It had good points." "Everyone got everyone else pregnant," Tycho put in, shaking his head. "There wasn't even a plot basis!" They turned to look at their Fearless Leader (tm), who remained silent thirteen seconds longer. Then... "BWAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!" Nobody could get Wedge to stop laughing for almost half an hour. Who knew Corellians had such a strange sense of humour? *END*