Operation Arrakis: Morning News

by Josh Nolan

I honestly can't get used to the idea of servants.

This generally isn't a problem, because most of them can't get used to the idea of someone who sticks a blaster in their face when they try and deliver breakfast, either. Most of them don't bother anymore, unsurprisingly, which on the whole is a good thing. I don't get the morning reminder that I'm about three parsecs from normal, and they don't get uncomfortable from accidentally waking me.

I do keep it set on stun. I'm not a monster.

But I got reminded of it again this morning, when a loud knock came on the door and I rolled out of bed pointing the blaster at it - then was momentarily confused that I couldn't see any Ewoks. Then, I remembered that my Mendellian quarters doesn't have the whole TARDIS thing happening so isn't home to several bazillion Ewoks. Yes, I fully realise this is not a realisation normal people make, let alone on a regular basis.

So, I relaxed a little, slid the blaster back under the pillow, and that's when the unbacta'd twinges from last night decided to attack me. I sat down heavily on the bed, and then realised I hadn't actually bothered to put any bedclothes on last night. The knock came again, so I called out, "Coming!" - or at least I tried. My throat was dry, and, yes, my head was throbbing too. Last night's excitement hadn't gotten rid of the alcohol in my system. I cleared my throat, yelled out "Coming!" again and started searching the cupboards for a robe or even a pair of shorts. I hate mornings.

Finally, I found a robe, or kimono, or something - all that mattered to me was it wrapped around and didn't let anything hang out - and opened the door. Standing there was one of the few staff I hadn't scared off, Noitisopxe. I had no idea if that was his first name or his last name, but it was the only name he'd give me. "Captain Nolan," he beamed. "I trust you slept well?"

"Well enough. What brings you here? What time is it, anyway?"

"Sir, I thought you might like to know that Terra Group have returned from their mission. They've been back some time, in fact. And it's setting tongues wagging, because the Dictator and his lady ducked off for a quick trip to Paris in the meantime."

I blinked. I was missing something, somewhere. "Hang on - Thayer ducked off with Becki while Terra Group..." I trailed off, since Noitisopxe was shaking his head almost imperceptibly. "He didn't duck off with Becki. But he went to Paris. And he took someone with him."

"There are some that say it is about time, sir." He lowered his tone conspiratorially, and leaned towards me slightly. "Some say that Lieutenant Bush is stringing the Dictator along, and some would view Thayer's unexpected trip as a sign he's not wanting to take it any more. No offense intended to Lt. Bush, of course."

"Of course," I replied absently while trying to figure this out. Why had Thayer gone to Paris, of all places? Did he know that's where we'd gone? If so, what was he doing there, given the tendency things have to blow up around us? Afghanistan would have been a safer place to travel, even for a man without a beard...

Obviously, whatever gossip Noitisopxe was trying to wangle out of me wasn't forthcoming, since he continued, "The Dictator's liaison with Lady Leannan will no doubt please the Queen Mother - and taking her to Paris, of all places - the City of Love, you know." He waggled his eyebrows at me to emphasise his point.

I scowled at him, mainly because he was playing on my dislike of the Ice Queen Mother. I'd once descibed her as proof hell had frozen over, and while Noitisopxe was polite enough not to spread this around, he knew it got my back up. "There's nothing romantic about Paris at this time of year, believe me."

"If you insist, sir. I just thought you might appreciate the information. Should I fetch you breakfast, sir?"

"No, that'll be fine. I'll get it myself."

"Very good, sir. But one final thing - does Lt. Bush have a child?"

I blinked at him, trying to figure out if he'd actually asked what I thought he had. Of course, he just stood there with that obsequious look he gets when he thinks I'm about to tell him something juicy, so I took a stab. "No, I don't believe she has. She's never been married, and somehow I don't think she's the sort to, uh, go for a test drive. Though I could be wrong."

He didn't reply, but his expression shifted slightly. "You don't believe me," I said to him flatly.

He glanced slyly up and down the corridor, then leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "Some have said that Lt. Bush has been seen carrying an infant since her return... and others have whispered that Lt. Cochran seems to be... protective of her."

"What are you trying to say? That Becki got pregnant and had a kid in the week they were away?"

"Stranger things have happened..."

"I'm sure, but I'm not about to believe Elvis tap-danced naked on the battlements unless I saw it, either. I don't know how accurate the rumours are, but this I know - the kid's not Becki's."

"As you wish, sir. Good day to you." He smirked at me one last time, bowed, turned on his heel and left.

I shut the door, shaking my head. I had the distinct feeling the world was on a rapid slide downwards, and it wasn't just for me.

As I turned away from the door, something caught my eye. Just inside the door was an army bag, bristling in the kinds of ways that suggested there were many and varied ways to kill people inside. Resting on top was a familiar silver cylinder.

The bag hadn't been there when I'd gone to bed. And the last time I'd seen my lightsabre, it was in Paris. I must have been dead to the world last night.

Dead to the world. Hmph.

I scooped the 'sabre off the bag, stood in the centre of the room, and thumbed the switch. The electric snap-hiss filled the room, followed by that menacing hum I'd come to know and love, and I stood and stared at the glowing blade for a while.

I figured it'd been Vickie who returned it. Vickie, who'd tried to drag me off the Admonitor, who'd wanted to go back when she found she had the wrong guy - even though the ISD was on the verge of destruction.

And, like the rest of my friends, now probably a target for the stormie. How can I let her stay close, when that just means I'm that more likely to shoot her in the back? Hardly the act of a friend. She may be a Jedi, but would she see it coming?

And would she be able to stop me if she did?

I deactivated the 'sabre, and stumbled into the ensuite. If I played my cards right, maybe I'd never have to find out.