Operation Arrakis: How Darksidey Pants Got His Groove Back. Or: The story of Darkside Fashion Sense. Or: The End Of Arrakis!!!! FINALLY! Or: Josh wrote his story, but we liked this one too so we're posting it anyway. By Sylvana Lorrdain and Durandir. ==================================== The rocket was spewed forth from its underground holding - mere moments after the shield materialised. Josh swerved from in front of the shield, missing it but by inches - thanks to his ties to the Force. Thayer wasn't so lucky, however, as the missile collided with his fighter moments after the nose began to plow into the shield. The resulting conflageration was an awesome sight to behold. On ground, Becki cried out in horror, screaming Thayer's name as she watched pieces of the wreckage rain down upon something important. We don't know what, maybe it was on the display screen. Something like that. Anyhow. Thayer was dead. All dead. Even his handsome Westley like face was dead. He never even got a chance to cry out 'Aaassss yooooouuuu wiiiiiishhhhh' before he exploded. Because he exploded, there was no time, you see. To speak, that is. All there was was static as his fighter exploded, Becki staring in horror at the screen as Josh cheered under his breath. He, luckily, had turned off the com when he did so - for as Thayer's severed head bounced off his windscreen, the cheering became an insane laughter. The fighters swerved around and began to shoot at the shield, for all the fat lot of good that would do. Josh, however, brought his fighter around to the Garden Entrance that he'd overheard about on the radio encryptions between Kristy and Sci. Landing in the garden, he found himself wishing for a Memory Flashy Thingie, such as is prevalent in MIB, however he had no such device, and so he ran through the stunned crowds, killing indescriminately as he went, before he fell against the statue and then had to crouch to run down the corridor in a bit of a crabbish waddle. You see, his frame was rather large for the tunnel that was built for the smaller middle-eastern body frames? Yeah. That works. Smaller middle-eastern body frames. Ahem. --- Meanwhile, in the bowels of the base, there was a small chamber. Really small. We're talking closet sized here. Anyhow, that's how it looked from the outside. We think Dr. Who built it.... However, once one was encased in this closeted structure, all they had to do was speak the password, 'Nannu Nannu', and the back wall opened into a cavernous arena, the likes of which were unknown upon earth, but well known in the darker reaches of the galaxy. It was an arena of torture and doom. Lightsabres lightsabred. Chains chained. And screams well... did their thing - hoping to unrattle, or perhaps rattle, the opponents in such a match as the earth had never seen before. Er, we meant to say Terra. Anyhow, to enter this arena was to fight to the end of all things, all time, all life as was known. But that's okay. It was well a challenge that Josh was up for. If he found it, that is. Anyhow, in the bowels of this base, the Dark Jedi Sahhar was just emerging from this room, having had his fun disembowling Tavira slowly. Painfully! And laughingly. Covered in guts and bile, he emerged, swiftly running to take a quick shower before the next part of his plan could be set in motion. On his way, he encountered the inimitable F.E.S. - who had gotten lost as he ran down the corridors, the cortosis ore not only a bane to lightsabres, but also to the Force and Flows, which were further impeded by the immese amount of Iron in the place. Thus, he got lost, and was finding it difficult to pinpoint where the familiar Force Signatures of Cheriss and the others were. We don't know if this could actually happen, the whole disruption of Force and stuff - but we thought it was a nifty plot device anyhow. Fes could, however, tell something bad had probably just happened - just as he tripped over an undone shoelace and sprawled over the floor. Which was pretty surprising, because he was wearing boots that had no laces, but velcro strapping them shut! Still, he fell. At Sahhar's feet. "Dirty feet, you have there," Fes grumbled, pushing himself to his own. "The better to kick you with!" Sahhar's foot shot out, clipping Fes beneath his chin, snapping his head back as he flew against the wall. Before he could put a mental block up, Sahhar reached out and enveloped Fes with the Dark Side, easier done for his touch to it already. Mind control was something Sahhar was good at, after all, and without having his mental block up, Fes was swiftly under his control. Not that he would have in most circumstances, but as this is yet another a fun plot point, we decided to utilise it anyhow. And thus, the beginning of the turning of the tidal attention span began. Sahhar spoke a few words in a dark sithly tongue, and Fes nodded, tying his shoelace and running along to where he was originally headed - his mind now momentarily clear of distractions other than his need to find the escaped women and actors, and turn them to this new and finite cause. --- Mike, Sci, Raymond and Arrek jumped startledly as they heard the screams emitting from Kristy and Cheriss's mouthpieces while Thayer exploded. "We must go to their aid - beat feet!" Raymond cried. Because Syl, you see, can't spell French. "We're heading that way anyhow," Sci pointed out as they got onto the motorcycle rentals they had stolen ten minutes earlier. Arrek popped a cigarette in his mouth lazily lighting it as he got onto the motorcycle at their rear. Mike grinned manicly and did the same. Only without the cigarette. And being at the rear. Which is to say, Mike got onto the motorcycle behind Raymond which was behind Sci. Swiftly, the cycles were kick-started and they zooped off toward the one known entrance to the base. On their way, they had to swerve among pedestrians as well as other motorised traffic. During one especially rough turn, Arrek's ride skidded on some spilled olive oil, sliding up against a building. He was able to stop the imminent accident just in time. He blew out a sigh of relief, flicking his cigarette behind him. Unfortunately, it was a gas station he had slid up near, and the whole thing went up in a giant bomb- like explosion, taking Arrek with it. Unaware of the reason of explosion, the rest kept zooming through the crowds, in high keeness to get to the women and actors - to rescue them, and to destroy the shield. --- Josh continued his crouching run into the base, searching... scrounging the walls and floor with his eyes for any sign of who had passed when. Of course not ACTUALLY using his eyes to scrounge, for that would be a mite painful, don't you think? Anyhow, he was looking so intently for a sign, he didn't notice the slight dip in the hallway, and thus missed the lowering of the ceiling. He ran headlong into that lowering of the ceiling, smacking it with his freakishly tall head, and falling back to lie in the hall. Unconscious. Which is to say, he wasn't getting up any time soon, folks. It sure was going to put a damper on his progress. In his mission. Quest. Thing. --- Sahhar twiddled his thumbs, waiting impatiently for the living members of Terra Group to converge upon his inner sanctum. Which happened to be at the outer upper edge of the base. Not very inner, that - but Upper Outer Sanctum just doesn't have that same ring, as Inner Sanctum does - does it? I thought not. Hierce was pacing the floor nearby, already to his knees in a rut he'd paced so many times. "You've worn a hole in the floor." "My apologies Master," Hierce climbed out of the hole, went over a few feet, then resumed pacing, the several worry-lines gouging the floor behind him. After all, this wasn't the first time he'd done this. "That's better," Sahhar said with a short nod as his thumbs resumed their twiddling. Three and a half minutes and ninety seconds later, from three doors, did stumble in his multiple foe - minus one. For, indeed, that one was still lying unconscious on the ground within an inner tunnel toward the Outer Upper Sanctum, a centipede crawling over his forehead. But we digress. Rather like an episode of the Three stooges, Sci, Mike and Raymond all tumbled in the north entrance. The southern entrance emitted two worried women, one sobbing one, and two very confused actors. Finally, from the west, did Fes emerge, covered in dust and cobwebs. Somehow the single-minded newly-minted servant of darkness had managed to get lost again. Hierce sprang out of his ankle-deep rut - the floor wasn't very well made, after all - and ran forward to stand at his master's side. Ignighting his Lightsabre Of Evil. "YOU!!!" Mike roared, igknighting his Lightsabre Of Evil's Doom, and ran toward Hierce. Two nearly indestructible forces clashed as Mike and Hierce's blades crackled, whirring through the air as they fought. Bodies twisted, robes and jackets singed, burns from near misses smoked from their skin as they fought, quickly, fiercely. And as they did so, a very... frightening grin blossomed on Mike's face. That grin appeared. A moment later, Hierce's life disappeared as Mike's blade severed his head! Yes, one of the authoresses is quite obsessed with the severing of heads. She believes it's a token of necessitivitorisationing. At least, that's the story and we're sticking to it. Hierce was dead... and Mike Grinned. His eyes Flashed as he turned to face his comrades. Suddenly with a very Tarzan-like howl, Josh dropped from the ceiling. He'd seen the eastern entrance, but decided that a more... dramatic entrance was required in this point of plot. Feeling the Dark Energy surrounding Mike, he made no pretense of thinking about it before his lightsabre came down upon him, cleaving him in two. One cauterised half of Mike's body falling to either side of him, he stepped through. In horror, the others stared. Sahhar grinned as he watched them begin to converge upon Josh like zombie-like predators. All but Sci, who was too busy trying to un-stick his shoe from a hole it'd fallen into. A dark haze descended upon Josh as his former comrades closed in on him. His lightsabre seemed to move of its own accord. Not a Honda Accord. Just accord. Yeah. Anyhow, his lightsabre seemed to move of its own accord - it swirled in the air, the eerie blue light it emitted creating a lovely haze about him as limbs went flying to Sahhar's feet. After a moment, he stopped, checking to be sure they were not his own limbs that had gone flying. Silly thing to do, that - considering he'd have to have at least one, to be wielding the lightsabre after all. But we digress. Josh looked around, his eyes narrowed in a darksideypantsish way as he spotted Sci, who'd decided to just work on untying his shoe so he could get his foot free. He looked up, then wished he hadn't, for a blade coming down upon him was the last sight his mortal eyes would behold. Seeing as this isn't Operation Darkness... Sci just died like all of his comrades. All the way. No ghostey pants. Nope. Nosiree Bob. Heh. We worked Bob into the story - how cool are we? I still wanna know what a 'nosiree' is. Maybe it has to do with exceptionally pompous noses? We're doing it again. Sorry. Just then, as Sci died, a haze seemed to be lifted from Josh's mind. A haze of rage, agues, death, tyrannies. It was a haze of darkness. It seemed as though killing everyone... Especially Sci. ...Had gotten all that nastiness out of his system. He looked up and blinked as a shaft of sun light came through the window to descend upon him. "I don't feel so Dark-Sidey-Pants anymore. I shall be good now." Somewhere off in the distance, a choral song floated in through the window. "Drats!" Sahhar muttered, shaking his head as he snapped his fingers. "It's so hard to find viable help these days. Alas, I must go into hiding and twiddle my thumbs a few moments more until my hoard of evilness is completed once more." It's okay for him to sound stupid, he's a bad guy. With that, he pushed a button on his throne, and the chair descended swiftly beneath the floor, closing up before Josh could get there. "I'll get you Sahhar!!!! If it's the last thing that I do!!!!" --- Brad nodded, pocketing a few more weapons, "I know, but it's the only way." "I told you, I want him destroyed, not to side with him!" "I'm afraid that's our only choice right now, Wells, sir." "Damn." --- Josh stumbled along the streets of Baghdad, sorrow for his causing the deaths of his compatriots, especially Becki, impeding his sense of well- being. "Sorry," he mumbled as he was jostled by someone who was walking in the same direction as he. "Sorry nothing, you're coming with me - we've got to team up if we're going to get that shield away from Sahhar." "...Brad?" "Nice to know you remember my name. C'mon - now you have to promise not to overreact until at least AFTER we have the shield, okay?" "Uh... okay," Josh nodded absently, letting Brad lead him to their new base of operations. --- Back on the Red Home, Lenka bubbled in her tank - unknowing of the events that had taken place. --- "Nuh uh. No way. I'm SO killing him now!" Josh roared as he entered the room, bringing his lightsaber to the ready without igknighting it. "You promised." "I hate you Brad." "Good, I'd hate to think you loved me. Now shut up - here's the plan...." --- Back on the Red home, a sole figure stole onto the ship, blinking at Lenka as she floated. "Ah yes, I remember you," he said softly, one hand touching the bActa tAnk. "You will bring him to Darkness once and for all...." --- "And when we're done I get to kill him?" "Will you shut up with the killing already?!" "Not until I have an answer." "How about this. When this is all over, I give you two a couple of revolvers at high noon. You can take ten paces from the centre of Baghdad, and then turn and shoot each other." "Sounds like a plan. Let's go back to the Red Home for some much needed supplies, and then we shall succeed." "And stuff." --- Entering the Red home, they found that the outside lock had been tampered with. This was obvious, for it was cut through. "Lightsabre," Josh said needlessly. "Duh," was Brad's response. "Why don't you go first." "I hate you." "You keep saying that and I'm going to start wondering if you're in denial." "Shut up you two," Wells grumbled. "I can't believe I'm stuck with any of this." "Don't worry, you won't live long enough to tell on us," Josh said brightly as he held up his lightsabre, ready to igknight at any moment. Once they entered, they followed a slight 'tinking' sound back to where Lenka was floating in her life-saving bacta. Who should they find there but.... dun dun DUN! Sahhar. This was bad, very bad. It was bad like a very un-good thing. Like 'Hot Cocoa in the Amazon' Bad. Anyhow - it was bad. "You!" "Yes, it is me. If you want your woman to live, you will leave peaceably." Josh stood there numbly. Brad sighed, "One life or millions, Cochran." "I'm thinking." "Useless bleeding heart," Wells muttered, lifting his pistol. The shot rang out, going straight through Sahhar's forehead. "That was useful," Brad complimented. "Right, now we just need the shield." "What's that thing?" Wells asked, pointing to what looked like a Tycho RC controller. "That's the main control to the - WAIT!" Josh dived for it at the same time Wells did, their heads colliding with a loud ThUnK. Soon both men were fighting, like very bad third-graders, over this device. At least, they were until it got kicked out of the way. Brad picked it up and grinned. "Excellent." ****End****