Brimstone: Dear Uncle Cracken

by Alison Sky and Sylvana Lorrdain

Dear Uncle Cracken,

"Shush. I'm trying to write my report."

It's my sad duty to report to you the total loss of the Perdition Hospital Base, considering it has been blown up beyond recognition.

First off, let me explain that this was not my fault.

The tip you had about the coup to be held on the base was correct. As was the one about pirates sent to flush out the Terran officers. Don't worry, they are safe. We have Agent Lorrdain on board, and we will be dropping her back off at her home base shortly. Agent Nolan and Coghlan had their own transportation and will be meeting us down there.

However, we ran into a few snags -

"Snags? Is that a technical term?"

"Of course it is."

- most of which were caused by a certain Intel officer that was also on base because she's a raving psycho,

and the Terrans, themselves. What a load of troublemakers that lot is. They make my squadron look like the Jedi Council.

Due to the situation, we had to break past our guidelines. Therefore, we also have Agent Fel

"It's your name!"

"Yeah, but if someone was to come into here and read that."

"Oh yeah. Sorry."

Fel Sky on board as well. It was either that, or leave her on the base to be blown to bits, and I don't think that General Antilles would appreciate that.

"Your opinion doesn't count."

"I think I would miss me too, you know... and my opinions always count."

"How so?"

"Because I'm always right."

"...."

Unfortunately, this has led to the Terrans discovering Agent Sky's existence, which actually happened before we even reached the base. I'm sure your Terra Lead will be sending you notice about this once we arrive on base.

"You know, I think I'll just stay ON the ship when we offload the gimp."

"Might be a good idea. Hope they don't scan the ship."

"...Kriff...."

"Speaking of the gimp, I'll go check and see how she's doing."

Door opens.

"YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!"

"How can I be doing it wrong?"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PUTTING THAT THING HERE!"

"I am, if you would just sit still."

"They're still at it?"

"It's only been twenty minutes."

"Why did we leave them alone, again?"

"Don't ask me, that was your brilliant plan, Miss I'm Never Wrong. You said they needed private time."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Will you all just shut up so I can finish this?"

"Fine. I'll be back."

Door closes.

Silence.

There are a lot of casualties on both sides, seeing that the place exploded. A lot of our people got off safely in the transports that are kept on base, but I cannot confirm the number of casualties. I suggest sending a clean up team out to the system as soon as possible to check for survivors.

Door opens.

"TURN IT AROUND THAT WAY!"

"How does that make a difference?"

"THAT'S HOW I DO IT!"

"I don't want to know how she does that."

"Well, I'm doing it this way."

"I WANT YOU TO DO IT MY WAY!"

"Someone please shut the door. My ears are bleeding."

"I always knew doctors made the worst patients."

"GAH!"

Kissing sounds.

"Awwwwwwwwwww...."

"Now. Let me take over."

Door closes.

"Remind me never to ride in the same ship with those two ever again."

Kissing sounds.

"AH! Get out of here with that!"

Laughter.

And, just for the record, I am never going on a mission with this team ever again. I'll take my Wraiths any day.

"You know you love us."

"Yeah, I love you like I love a hole in my head."

"I can do that for you, you know."

"You aren't planning on sending it that way, are you?"

"No, I plan on cleaning it up and making it look more professional. Why?"

"'Cause you just hit the send button when you turned around."

"WHAT?!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

General Cracken flicked on his datapad and saw the file from Agent Loran waiting for him. Sipping his caf, he opened the file, already certain that disaster would follow.

He read it over carefully, his coffee left unattended on the desk as the words sunk into his brain. Then, he leaned back and his hand came to rub the bridge of his nose.