Spoof: The Return of Alison
by Josh Cochran

Alison's corpse stared vacantly up at the ceiling below which she'd died. A smoking,
cauterized hole passed clear through her chest, giving a view of the _Admonitor_'s deck below.
Were she alive she would have been furious that the hole also burned through her skin-tight
'Sexy Bitch' t-shirt.

Of course, the Yuuzhan Vong warrior standing over her had no idea what it said. He wouldn't
have cared, either, since the words had caused the wearer no pain. All he saw were the wide
brown eyes and the look of excruciating pain permanently fixed to her face. She had died
gloriously, and the weapon that killed her was clearly one of the many human abominations.
She would do.

The warrior reached into a pouch attached to his weapon belt and pulled out a large adult
necrowyrm. The necrowyrms were in short supply after the interminable crossing from the
Yuuzhan Vong's home galaxy. This was one of only a handful of mature examples left in the
universe. Many more were in their larval stage and would be ready in the coming weeks and
months.

He dropped the necrowyrm into Alison's open mouth and watched her throat writhe as it
clawed its way further down. "Work well, little crawler," he said to the creature as he stood
back to wait.

A few minutes later Alison's entire body jerked sharply once and she sat up on the deck,
looking around in confusion. Her eyes held none of the sparkle they had in life. When those
cold, dead eyes found the warrior watching her, she stood and faced him.

"What is your name?" he demanded.

"I am Alison," she said.

"NO! You *were* Alison. Now you are Alleesohn domain Kwaad!"

"Am I to seek revenge on my former friends and be the instrument of their doom?" she asked.

"Hmmm... That's not a bad idea," the Yuuzhan Vong said after a brief moment of surprise.
"But no. It's been a very long journey from Yuuzhantar. You are to provide comfort to the
glorious Yuuzhan Vong warriors."

"You mean..."

"That's right. You are a Yuuzhan Vong love slave."