Operation Darkness: Maternal Instincts by Durandir and Kristy Henscheid "I think it's time I took you to meet the Crown Prince," I announced as Kristy and I made our way back through the tunnels to the Batcave. "You're damn right it's about time," she retorted--lightly, to indicate she wasn't really angry. "I expected to see him hours ago, when I got here. Why the wait?" "Well, it's been a few hours since breakfast," I grinned. "He'll be hungry again by now." ~ Riehn was hungry indeed by the time we reached the nursery. When I had checked on him last, he was still sleeping, but now the sound of his hunger-cry filled the tower room, blending with the clatter of chimes in its window. Llessur was holding the baby, rocking him gently, but he would not be appeased. The Queen Mother frowned at me as we entered. "I'm sorry," I said as I took him from her. "Has he been fussy long?" "Since shortly after you were here last," Llessur said. "Mm, rotten timing. I could've just fed him then. But he wasn't hungry then, no, you weren't, were you, sweetie?" His cries quieted a little at my nearness--but he was still hungry. "Is it legal for a Prince to be so adorable?" Kristy smiled at Riehn. "Much cuter than the photos you sent! Can I--?" she held out her arms. "Of course," I said, handing him over to the Prophetess. Surprised at this new face, he paused a moment from his protests of hunger. Kristy made faces at him, scrunching her face into all sorts of contortions. "Hi there, little guy," she whispered, with a huge grin. "Bigger than advertised, too," she said, hefting him to a more comfortable position. "You must've been feeding him Miracle-Gro. He was so tiny in the pictures." "Well, it's been a few months," I shrugged. "And as much as he eats, it's no wonder he's grown so fast." Riehn's cries were growing louder again. "Single-minded, isn't he?" I laughed. "Typical," Kristy smiled. "Guess I'd better . . ." She nodded and handed him to me. "TAWG, I *love* other people's children," she chuckled; "you can give them back!" "Easy for you to say," I grinned. "Okay, anyway, first things first, the Prince must have his brunch. Mother Atner--and Kristy, too--while we're nursing, maybe you could get together some of his things? Pack a travel bag?" Llessur raised an eyebrow. "We've not even begun the war yet. Are you sending him away already?" "Just being prepared." I retreated to the rocking chair in the corner, discreetly placed against one wall and slightly turned toward the other, away from the door, for privacy's sake. Within moments--we were quite practiced at it by now, what with the ten or more feedings a day that the baby had required early on--Riehn was nursing contentedly, doing his best to drain me. He had better. Who could say when I'd be back to do this again? "Oh look!" Kristy said suddenly, from the dresser where she was picking out baby clothes to pack. "I remember this--it's the shower gift I sent him." Triumphantly she held up a tiny set of pajamas, patterned with X-wings. "Gotta pack this one!" "Uh-huh," I grinned drowsily at her. "Mind you pack practical things as well," Llessur warned, handing Kristy a blanket in the Mendellian colors; the Prophetess made a face at the brilliant shades of red and purple, but she nodded and packed it anyway. "And Rebecca--has your own bag been packed as well?" "I don't think it'll come to that. I haven't had time, anyway." "It'll come to sending the baby away," she said skeptically, "but not to going with him? What *are* you expecting now?" "Mother Atner," I confessed, eyes closed and cheek pressed to the baby's fuzzy head, "I'm fighting in this battle." An exasperated sigh preceded her answer. "I suspected as much." "As a gunner on the _Red Home_. Shoot a few Vong out of the sky, hopefully." "Someone else couldn't take that position?" "Apparently--inexplicably--I'm too good a shot now to not take the guns." "Inexplicable my foot. Thayer's trained you *too* well." "Yeah, he said the same thing." Riehn, sensing his mother's anxiety, started to squirm--I was holding him tighter than usual, perhaps, or else my own fears were being passed along hormonally in my milk. Kristy interrupted the growing tension with a tentative, "Couldn't I take your place? I can handle the guns." I had to chuckle at such an understatement--our Prophetess was one of Terra Group's best shots, after all. The change in my own mood seemed to calm the baby a little, and Riehn went back to his single-minded nursing. "You're better than me in close combat, though, so I think you've been assigned to Fir's group for the ground defense. Mike and Josh and Brad are planning the battle. I suppose they know what they're doing." "Do any of us know what we're doing?" Kristy pointed out, grinning to make a lighthearted joke out of an observation that seemed to me too frightfully true. And there was a dark undertone to her words. "They survived the lunar assault," Llessur reminded us. "Yes," I murmured. "And maybe their success there will carry over to the battle here." And maybe our losses there would carry over, too, I feared. "Anyway, Mike thinks I'll be most useful gunning for him on the _Home_." "You'd be useful to us here, as well, coordinating," said Llessur. "Thayer's doing that. He's quite capable of it. I'd just get in the way." "Your *baby* is staying here, and you're going off to fight." She fixed an irritated frown on me for a moment before returning to packing. "It looks like I'll have to." "So simple?" She crossed her arms and watched me intently--even without the bright eyes that Thayer had inherited not from her but from his father, Llessur Atner's gaze was not easily ignored. "There is always a choice. Surely you know that." "I wish there weren't," I mumbled, tracing a finger along Riehn's cheek while his own bright eyes blinked up at me. "I don't want a choice; I don't like the choices. I could stay here and protect my son. Or I can fight in the battle and maybe help to protect all of Terra. What will it profit a man, you know--gain the whole world, but lose your own soul--Mother Atner--how can I choose?" She sighed, looked away for a long moment, and then came over to rest a hand on my shoulder. "You know my opinion, I suppose. Yours was the choice to breastfeed the baby--and you know that that decision made you responsible for all the other choices that flow from it, from Riehn's dependence on you. But this is another choice entirely. War changes things. And I can't choose for you." "I know." A pause; and then I brushed a hesitant kiss against the baby's forehead, hating the decision that I'd already made, but seeing no way around it. "It's my place--Terra Group's place--to fight. I have to go." After an anxious pause, I looked up at Llessur. "Am I a bad mother?" "It's more a question of whether one *can* be both a good mother and a good Queen," she answered, eyes turned inward on her own memories. Then she favored me with one of her rare smiles. "Of course you have to go. You'll do fine, my girl." I nodded and tried to smile back. "Thank you." Riehn was finished at last, but I held him for another long moment before giving him up to his grandmother. "I don't *want* to leave him, all the same." "If I know you," said the Queen Mother, "you will be back in here a dozen times before the battle begins. And after that, I'll see to his safety. Don't worry for him. At least, not any more than is practical." Kristy stood before me, setting the travel bag down beside the rocking chair. "We do need to go, Becki. There's still much to do before the battle." She turned to Llessur. "And, Your Majesty, if the ground fighting comes anywhere close to here, I *promise* you I won't let anything happen to the Prince." She gave Riehn a fiercely maternal look. I nodded and finally handed Riehn up to the Prophetess, who smiled to hold him for another brief moment, and then passed him on to Llessur. And then we turned to go, back to plans and worries, away from both the heaviness and the joy of my heart. "If worse comes to worst, Mother Atner," I said at the last moment, looking back when we were halfway out the door, "take him to the Caldera. He'll be safe there."