Project Boussh: The Jedi Code
by Vickie Boyd



"There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force."

Everyone knew those words. At least most Star Wars fans. They meant even
more to Vickie now. She had repeated them over and over.

"Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy.
Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others.
Jedi respect all life, in any form.
Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the
galaxy.
Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training."

More of the Jedi Code. Honor, knowledge, respect. She knew these words
well. Under her normal gruff exterior, she kept these close to her
heart. She had always wanted to be honorable, knowledgeable and
respected. Yet, there was always something that held her back.


"There is no emotion; there is peace."

She was the most emotional person she knew. Every time she watched
Empire, she cried when Han was lowered into the carbon freeze unit. She
hated movies about animals. ET had to be her most hated movie. It made
her cry and that's why she didn't like it.

Peace was something she always wished to attain, but never did. As
always, her emotions got in the way.

"There is no ignorance; there is knowledge."

She knew she was smart. She just didn't use it enough. But, she had
never finished college. That was ignorance, wasn't it?

"There is no passion; there is serenity."

How could there be no passion? Because there is no emotion. Passion is a
strong emotion, one she has in spades. She is passionate about music.
She is passionate about her family and friends. She is passionate about
animals. How could there be no passion?

"There is no death; there is the Force."

Death has always frightened her. She was afraid of hospitals because all
her grandparents and her father were in just before they passed away.
She had always guessed it was normal to fear death. But now...



"Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy."

She is no guardian. She is afraid to speak out for fear of being
rejected.

"Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others."

She wishes she had power to defend and protect others. But no, she is
the kind to backstab those who backstab her. She is a scorpion, after
all. Feisty and mean.

"Jedi respect all life, in any form."

She does, unless they refuse to respect her. There are some who call
themselves "African Americans" who refuse to respect anyone who is not
of "their kind". Why should she respect them? "Racial Profiling" is
another overused phrase that should garner no respect. How can you
respect all life, in any form, when it won't respect you?

"Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the
galaxy."

She chuckled. She is a modern woman, who wishes equality. How can you
serve and be equal at the same time? How can serving be "for the good of
the galaxy"? She wasn't one to cater to the whims of others. She wished
others to cater to her whims. Yet again, another code she did not
follow.

"Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training."

If she followed this, then she would be finished with college and
teaching school somewhere. She would be taking those Tae-kwon-do classes
her friend's parents taught. True, she did read a lot, but most of it
was fantasy and science fiction. Could that be construed as seeking
improvement? She doubted that.


Nothing. Not one part of the code had she ever followed in her entire
life.



"Fear is the path to the Dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to
hate. Hate leads to suffering!"

Fear of death. Fear of failure. Fear of change.

Anger over fear. Anger at those who break promises. Anger at those who
do things against you.

Hate over anger. Hate of those who do things against you. Hate of those
who hurt animals. Hate of certain foods.

Suffering over hate, anger and fear.

"Suffering leads to one of those really cool double bladed lightsabers,"
she said grinning, finishing the tag line her friends had come up with.



"Fear. Fear attracts the fearful, the strong, the weak, the innocent.
Fear is my ally."

As she said the words, she felt the power flow through her. The dark
tendrils wrapped around her and made her feel safe. She shivered as they
started to penetrate her very soul.

She began to doubt herself, a feeling she had often. Was this right?

A voice penetrated her mind. *No! You can't let it do this. You can't
let it consume me* It was her persona, Kelly Antilles. *If you allow it
to take you over, then I will cease to be.*

She couldn't understand why letting the Dark side take her would "kill"
Kelly. *But it is my destiny. I am not meant to be of the Light. I am
darkness incarnate.*

*How can you say that? You are the one who has kept me from the Dark
side. You have said before, as me, that you could have gone to the Dark
side many times, but have always come back before it was too late. You
must do that now.*

*You are a figment of my imagination. You are how I wish to be. I can
never be like you.*

*But you can! You have the opportunity facing you. Corran is willing to
give you that chance.*

She felt the darkness enveloping her. *No he isn't. He doesn't believe
me. Hell, I don't even believe me anymore.*

The voice became strained. *No, please. Vickie, don't do it. It hurts.*

Tears came to her eyes. More emotion. The darkness swirled before her
eyes. It fed on the emotion. She could not fight it. It was consuming
her. *I can't stop. It's too late.*