Project Boussh: The Ewoks Strike Back
by Josh Nolan

The dust-stained hatchback's tyres screeched as it turned into the steep
driveway, and the engine roared as it barrelled up the hill.  The car
slammed to a stop, right next to an unmarked white van that was parked
in the courtyard.
The driver shot a concerened look at his passenger.  "Better pack heavy
- this looks weird.  That van's got no numberplates."
His passenger nodded and drew a blaster pistol.  "Ooryl will go first -
you will back Ooryl up."
Josh pulled on the handbrake and turned the engine off.  "Roger."  He
pulled his blaster out from the waistband of his shorts, and slid out
the door.
Ooryl sneaked through the pathway that led to the so-called 'front
yard', staying low, moving like a noontime ghost, keeping his blaster
pointed in the direction of his gaze.  Josh held back at the corner,
covering the Gand, ready to shoot any hostiles that might emerge into
his field of fire.
Josh watched as Ooryl reached the end of the path, staying out of view
of the 'front door'.  Ooryl gave a quick glance around the corner, and
then another.  Looking back at Josh, the Gand waved him forward.  Josh
scuttled forward, but as he went to pass Ooryl, the Gand shot a hand out
to hold Josh back.  "Ooryl suggests you take a look from here first."
  Josh frowned at Ooryl and sneaked a glance around the corner, then
brought his head back.  "What the hell?"
  Hanging from the trees were three limp bodies, strung up by their
ankles, dressed from the neck down in a familiar pattern of black and
white armour, with flies swarming around the caked blood that covered
their faces.  They swung in the faint breeze, their arms pendulously
waving a posthumous greeting.
  "Stormies?" Josh breathed.  "Dead Stormies?  What the hell's been
going on here?"
  "Ooryl does not know.  But cover me as I try and find out."  Ooryl
grinned as he always did after using his pronoun, and ducked around the
small verandah to the stairs.  Somehow, he climbed them silently,
something Josh would have thought impossible for anything with mass, and
ducked inside the open doorway.  Josh circled around in Ooryl's path and
climbed the stairs, generating the usual clumping sound, and followed
the Gand inside.
  He found chaos.
  Just inside the door, there was a limp, kneeling stormtrooper, propped
up only by the spear through his throat.  Another stormtrooper lay
spreadeagled, a huge rock resting in a massive dent in his helmet, with
several spears emerging from the joints in his armour.  In the kitchen
was lying a stormtrooper, his helmet missing, the handle of a fork
protruding from one of his eyesockets.  A few Ewoks lay dead here and
there, displaying the evidence of blaster bolts.
  Josh picked his way over to the kitchen, careful not to step on any of
the corpses or on any of the dried blood that splattered the ground,
gagging slightly from the smell of death.  He glanced out the window,
and waved Ooryl over.  "Take a look at this," he whispered.
Ooryl looked out the window to see the wreckage of the X-Wings in the
backyard.  Lying between them were two stormtroopers trapped under a
log, their helmets missing and their heads unrecognisable masses of
blood and bone.  Ooryl whispered one of the many swear words he had
picked up from Josh on their journey, and Josh nodded in agreement.
  Ooryl glanced at Josh.  "Stormtroopers travel in squads of nine.
There is still one unaccounted for."
  Josh nodded, and said, "Though with that van still there, I'd say he's
only unaccounted for by us.  The real question is - are Nick and Piggy
okay?"
  Just then, the fridge burst open, and a frost-coated Ewok carrying a
carving knife leaped out at Josh, screaming, "Yub, yub!"
  Almost without thinking, Josh swayed out of the way and grabbed the
back of the Ewok's head, smashing its face into the kitchen bench, and
throwing it back into the fridge.  The Ewok lay there, stunned, for a
few seconds, and staggered to its feet again.
  "How many times do I have to tell you?" scolded Josh.  "I hate it when
you do things like that!"
  "Yub," said the Ewok, shaking its head and bobbing up and down.  "Yub,
yub."
  "Don't do it again, all right?  Now, what's been going on here?"
  The Ewok jumped out of the fridge and scuttled away, beckoning for
Josh and Ooryl to follow.  As the Rogue and the AFWer followed the
overly-cute killing machine, Ooryl whispered to Josh, "Qrygg had no idea
that you were that well trained in unarmed combat."
  "Yeah, well, live among a bunch of homicidal drug addicts for a few
months, you learn a thing or two," Josh replied.
  "You are referring to the time you spent before you lived here?"
  "No, I'm referring to the time I've spent living here since Quiara
passed the Ewok farm over to Nick.  I'm hoping we can find her and
persuade her to take it back."
  The Ewok led the pair into the wilderness of Josh's room, where there
was a celebration going on.  On top of the largest pile of junk, an Ewok
was pounding on an array of seven stormtrooper helmets.  One Ewok had
appropriated Nick's guitar and was strumming inexpertly to choruses from
the surrounding Ewoks, and still others were turning somersaults through
one of the few spaces in the room where the floor was still visible.
  Josh pointed up at the array of the helmets and glanced at Ooryl.
"That makes nine helmets so far.  The squad's accounted for."  Then he
looked at one of the nearby Ewoks.  "What happened to the ninth
stormtrooper?"
  The Ewok rubbed its stomach and replied, "Yub, yub."
  Josh winced, and made his way through the press of celebrating Ewoks
to his computer, which he booted up.  Ooryl followed in Josh's wake, and
asked the human, "Ooryl does not remember the Ewoks being this active
last time Ooryl was here."
  "That's because Nick tends to keep them sedated.  I guess it's worn
off."
  Josh dialled in and checked his email, his eyes flicking through the
reports from Project Boussh.  He spent five minutes with his eyes fixed
on the screen, and then summed up his feelings with a single, unprintable
word.
  "What is it?", asked Ooryl, still unable to read Roman script.
  "A lot.  I'll tell you  later.  First, we search that van outside for
clues, and then we take it somewhere and dump it.  And then I'll see if
I can contact Nick, and then we get the hell out of here."
  An Ewok tugged on Josh's shorts, holding up an unfamiliar vehicle
key.  "Thanks," said Josh, "and could you keep the flat safe till I get
back?"
  The Ewoks yubbed their assent, waving spears around happily.
  Josh grinned.  "Now, I've got to find Nick."
  As the room fell deathly silent, Josh holstered his blaster and
jangled the key absently.  "Come on, Ooryl, we've got work to do."