Project Boussh: Spiritus Insanctus
by Majick

 "You have your orders. Hadn't you better go carry them out? You know
thousands of lives could be snuffed out by your actions, don't you?"
 "I won't let that happen."
 "How will you stop it? What if Sci or Wedge orders those Imperial Star
Destroyers to be blown up? Can't let that sort of power go free, can they?"
 "I won't let that happen."
 "And now you're sharing a last few moments with friends. A hug for Elassar.
Yes, he has helped you push all those deaths to the back of your mind,
hasn't he?"
 "What? Are you saying they shouldn't have died? And why do you sound like
Eugor Atner now?"
 "Don't change the subject. Did you need to kill Rawa? Did you need to kill
the soldiers in Washington? What about the ones in New Hampshire? I'd say
that makes exactly eighteen deaths on your hands. Well done. Your murders
are old enough to drink. Of course, you tried to escape by getting drunk,
didn't you? What happens if that affects your performance in the battle?
What if one of your colleagues dies because of you?"
 "I won't let that happen."
 "Can you guarantee that? All these toys of yours, and you have no idea how
to use them. A lightsabre, for God's sake. It's the weapon of a Jedi, and
here it is in your hands. Might as well give it to Sci. He's as Force blind
as you."
 "So? I had the Force, I made two lightsabres, I put everyone else before
me, even down to the point of death, everyone else came first."
 "I forgot. Your sterling spell as a padawan. How pathetic is that? Using
the Force for practical jokes and a meaningless fight with the Vickie. It
tired you both out, and left her captured when the Imperials attacked. One
of many mistakes you've made. Who do you think you're fooling?
 "Oh, and now you're embracing Shalla. Did she lie warm in your arms before
the soldiers lied cold in the arms of their loved ones? Of course not. I
should know. She had to take the initiative because you're a coward. God
knows what she sees in you."
 "In us. You're me, after all."
 "Please. I don't need to be reminded."
 "You're a bad part of my mind."
 "And you're not a Thakwaash. Don't try and avoid the issues. I've been
there for ever. Long before the rest of you. I was there during those fights
in the school yard when you lost control, and the ones where you were so
feeble I was crying before the first blow landed. I was there in DC where
you were too slow to save the lives of the bomb victims. I was there when
you murdered to save your own life . . ."
 "The law says that if I kill to save my life, it's self defence."
 "Your life isn't worth defending. What have you ever done that's
worthwhile? Oh, and now you're wishing Josh Nolan good luck. Why? You've
hated him since Day One."
 "Not true. I don't hate anyone."
 "Please. I'm in your head. I know who you like, who you don't like."
 "Don't like is different to hate. I may not like Josh, but I don't hate
him. Life's too short. When there's more time, I want to get to know him
more."
 "Right. Sure. You can compare lightsabres."
 "Why not?"
 "Please. These people have taken you for granted. You got stuck with a team
of misfits. You nearly died God knows how many times, and what do they do?
Nothing!"
 "So what's this? Self loathing didn't work, so you sent in self pity?
Please."
 "You like to dwell in the dark side of your mind."
 "Lighting is more atmospheric. Heavenly white is hard on the eyes after a
long night, as well."
 "Your puerile sense of humour shields you not."
 "Great. Dark Yoda."
 "Why do you always seek to make others laugh? By playing the jester, hey
look down on you. It's so frustrating to have everyone laughing at us."
 "Because I care about how you feel?"
 "You cared how Rawa felt? Why am I any different."
 "And we're back on the trumped up murder charge. How feeble is this. I came
to terms with this already."
 "You're very touchy about something you've come to terms about."
 "You're part of me. You know how I hate revision."
 "I know how you wallow in key moments of your life, how you let the past
dictate your future."
 "Not true. Not anymore."
 "Really? Then will you consent to one last look at Rawa's death?"
 "Don't get me wrong. I wish I hadn't killed her. But, let's be honest, what
else could I have done?"
 "Stunned her, not fired, put away your gun."
 "And have her shoot me?"
 "Elassar had his gun on her, as well. You were as pointless as a blunt
pencil"
 "I didn't know that, though."
 "You needn't have shot her."
 "I already had this conversation. Well, you had this conversation. You had
it with Corran and Dia, days ago."
 "And you think you're okay? Eighteen deaths. Fragile, vital human lives,
snuffed out by the merest touch of Death, embodied in your black clad form.
Can you ever make up for that?"
 "I can start by making sure the Noghri survive today. Follow that up by
making sure as many of us survive as possible. Save the world, beat the bad
guys. Usual hero shtick."
 "And you're a hero now? Oh, please. As if."
 "Why not? Better me than someone else. I like being one of the good guys.
Give you a perspective on life. Live for now, and for the future. Gives you
the chance to live your life twice."
 "And now you mouth paraphrased platitudes at me. Is there no end to your
boringness? Have you really come to terms with what you've done?"
 "Of course I have."
 "You sound so sure."
 "You will see just how sure I am."
 "Oh *very* Good. This I look forward to. Immensely."