Project Boussh: Space Oddity
by Josh Nolan

David Bowie's voice blared in Josh's mind as the Red Home's engines
roared.  "Take your protein pills and put your helmet on..."

There would be maybe ten minutes before the Home reached the Admonitor.
And then, if he was lucky, hours and hours of mindless terror.  Having
seen a little of what that would be like, Josh almost hoped that the
alternative would happen - preferably with the Home being swatted out of
the sky.  At least that way, it wouldn't be *his fault*...

At the thought, he glanced around at the other occupants of the bay.
Page's men - or should that be troops?  After all, some of them were
female, and hardly any were human - were sitting outside the swarm of
Ewoks, their faces blank.

Alison was sitting with her eyes shut, her fingers caressing the hilt of
her sword, leaning at an odd angle in her seat.  Josh briefly wondered
why until he saw Kirney shoot a glance in her direction.  *Alison's
still not incinerated - I wonder if she'll share the secret?*

Morwen was studying the computer gear intently, as if itching to do some
last-minute cramming before the ultimate test.  *If she doesn't have it
yet, she probably won't get it.  I hope for all our sakes she has.*

Mike seemed comfortable and confident - though anyone with a whole pile
of friendly Noghri with them had a right to be.  He was looking around
the ship with an almost proprietary air, not grinning like the
irritating sod often did, but like it was all his responsibility -

********

"Josh!"

Josh levered himself off the side of the Palace corridor, and saw Mike
walking towards him, right hand outstretched, his trenchcoat flaring out
behind him.  "I just wanted to say... good luck."

Josh shot a wary glance at Mike's hand, then studied his face for any
sign of irony.  But the Londoner seemed entirely earnest, if a little
distant, so Josh took his hand and shook it as firmly as he could.
"Yeah," he managed, suddenly realising his throat was dry.  "You too."

"Yeah," said Mike.  "Lightsabres, and all that."

"Yeah."

"Just wanted to say."

"Thanks.  Good luck."

"Right.  See you later."

In a kind of unspoken agreement, the two Terrans walked in opposite
directions from the site of their mutual discomfort.

********

- and Josh wondered how much of it was an act.

Neekred glanced at Josh, and gave a curt nod.  "How're you doing,
rookie?" the Duro called out over the Home's engines.

*I feel sick,* Josh wanted to say.  *I need to take a piss (again), this
armour you've got me decked out in is starting to feel a bit tight, my
burns are itching and I want to puke.*  Instead, he nodded back at the
corporal, and tried to look brave.  The Duro apparently appreciated the
effort, as he pulled his goggles down enough to wink at Josh.  "You'll
do," Neekred called out as he replaced the tinted plastic.

*Yeah, but what'll I do?*

*******

A bunch of Ewoks, Wes had said.

A bunch.  Talk about understatement.

Well over a hundred Ewoks were milling around in the orchestra room,
pounding on drums, hitting each other with music stands and singing
songs which mainly consisted of the word 'yub'.  The Ewok on the
conductor's stand, yubbing sternly to the Ewoks that were listening, was
either a genetically engineered puppy who had just been taken off the
steroid I.V. for the first time in years, or Korak.

Swarm would have been a better word.  No, mob.  This was definitely a
mob.

Korak caught sight of Josh - given the way his shirt was glowing, this
wasn't exactly hard - and yubbed out loudly.  Immediately, the Ewoks
stopped the cacophony, and formed up into some semblance of a
parade-ground formation, their blasters held proudly in front of them.

Josh blinked at the sudden ranks.  "I didn't realise this many of you
had come."

<"We seek only to destroy the enemies of our tribe,"> replied Korak.
<"So we come to you.">

"Look, it's probably not going to -"

<"Those who accompany you gain much honour for the tribe.  We seek this
honour.">

"Maybe, but there's no honour in getting a -"

<"You will lead us into battle.  We shall not fail.">

"But this is going to be a whole heap different to the battles before -"

<"Yes.  There are more of us.  We all have thunder sticks.  We shall
fight, and we shall triumph!">  Scattered cheers and yubbing greeted
this pronouncement.

"Shut up and listen!" Josh barked, trying to quiet the Ewoks, with some
degree of success.  "You remember the stormies that invaded the flat?
Nine of them, your traps caught most of them by surprise, and how many
of you did they end up killing?"

<"Only twelve!"> called an Ewok in the group.  <"Many more of us
lived!">

"*Only* twelve, huh?  All right, that's four of you for every three of
them.  You outnumbered them and were on your home turf."

<"And we were victorious!"> cheered an Ewok up the back of the group,
which started some Ewoks on a victory dance.  <"We can do it again!">

"That's exactly what I'm worried about.  Up there," Josh pointed to the
ceiling, "is *their* home turf.  They know that place like the back of
their hands, *and* they're probably better fighters than the ones who
invaded the flat.  Not only that, there's at *least* a thousand of
them.  Even at four of you for three of them, that's still," Josh sized
up the ranks, and tried some quick arithmetic, "about three or four
times what's needed to kill us all."  The dancing Ewoks stopped at that,
and silence descended over the room.  "So stop telling me how you're so
good when you outnumber the opposition.  This time, they outnumber
*you*."

The Ewoks stared down at their collective feet, shuffling quietly,
letting out a few mournful yubs.  Korak, however, glared at Josh
defiantly, and said, <"You of all people should know our skills.  Why do
you belittle us?">

"Because you're brave - and because you're dumb.  If you think this is
going to be just another cakewalk, then you are badly mistaken.  The way
you guys are acting, it's going to be a miracle if any of us survive at
all!  Those stormies aren't going to be afraid, aren't going to stop,
and aren't going to be anything like the ones we've faced so far.  You
claim you're great warriors - but so far, you haven't needed to be."

Korak grimly got off his podium and strode through the ranks, his head
held high.  Reaching the front of the group of Ewoks.  Pointing at Josh,
he declared, <"You have belittled my honour!  I demand satisfaction!
Your words shall not -">  The stun bolt slammed into Korak, knocking the
Ewok off his feet.

Josh brandished his blaster at the flabbergasted Ewoks.  "That's exactly
what I mean!  Try that on a stormie, and that'll happen to you - only it
won't be a stun bolt.  I'm not trying to say you guys aren't good.
You're Ewok warriors, and you're bloody scary - but our enemies won't be
scared, they won't run away, they'll just shoot you.  Remember that, and
we might get out of this alive."

"Hell of a pep talk," came a deep voice from behind him.  "Remind me
never to let you give a birthday speech at my place."  Josh whirled to
see half a dozen New Republic soldiers arrayed behind him.  The foremost
was a burly Duros, his noseless face giving the grin on his face a kind
of mournful air.  The Duros nodded, and added, "Terra Five, I presume?"

"That'd be me.  Who're you?"

"I'm Corporal Neekred Nammoc, and this is Canis Squad.  The Lieutenant
assigned us to liaise with you and your Ewoks."

Josh raised an eyebrow.  "Liaise?  How?"

"The Lieutenant's exact words were, 'I'm not letting that horde of
fuzzbags run around without some of my boys to keep an eye on them.'
Interpret that how you like."

********

The shock was sudden and hard, and the noise was enough to make the
engines a dream of silence.  It subsided with an odd crackling noise,
and Josh sat stunned in his seat for a second or two.  Finally, he
turned his head to Neekred and mouthed, "What the f-"

It struck again.  And again.  Josh had wondered at the necessity for a
harness on an inertially-damped ship like the Home, but understood now
as a couple of unharnessed Ewoks were a little slow in dropping to the
ground and were sent for a short flight.  Fortunately, their trajectory
took them near Bracca, who reached out her long shaggy arms and handily
caught the screaming Ewoks.  The Wookiee held the Ewoks up to her face
and apparently roared something, but over the noise and chaos it was
doubtful even the Ewoks heard her.

Neekred mouthed something at Josh, but the Terran was no good at
lipreading even at the best of times.  Josh tried to work out what the
corporal was saying, but to no avail.  Finally, the Duro brought both
arms up and mimed rapid firing of a high-recoil heavy weapon.  Josh
nodded, and fell back into his seat.

*Turbolasers.  Crap.*

******

Korak wiped the blood away from the split skin on his temple.  <"You're
*sure* it wasn't personal?">

Josh rolled his eyes, rubbing his elbow.  "For the last time, no.  I was
making a point.  I figured, since you're the toughest, you'd be the one
who needed the most direct lesson about what we're up against.  The
others seemed to get the message, so how about you do as well, eh?"

Korak sullenly looked back at the assembled Ewoks, and back at Josh.
<"Very well.  For this battle.  But do not think you are safe from me
afterwards.  I will taste your blood yet.">

"Then you'll have to get in line.  Corporal - do you think you can give
these guys a few pointers on corridor combat?"

The Duro grimaced.  "In an hour?  It wouldn't be much more than a few
pointers, and if I shoot 'em they'll miss the lessons."

"You don't have to shoot them - that was just a kind of leadership
squabble," Josh explained, glaring at Korak.  The ludicrously muscular
Ewok snorted.  Josh turned to the masses of Ewoks.  "You hear that,
fellas?  Listen to these guys - they know the kind of battlefield we're
going to, and they'll try and give you tips on staying alive up there.
So listen and learn."

A few mournful yubs of assent floated out of the crowd.  Neekred
scowled.  "You've done 'em a bit of damage, there.  You went a little
overboard talking about the opposition."

"I know what stormies are capable of, all right?  I used to be one."

Neekred looked Josh up and down, his eyes lingering on the shirt.  "You
don't look the type."

"I'm not."

"Seen much action?"

"Nope - hadn't so much as picked up a blaster till a few weeks ago.
Been in combat three, four times since."

Neekred nodded, and Josh was sure he was cursing rookies behind his
eyes.  "Right, then.  Bracca, Otom, get Five here some actual combat
clothes.  The rest of us'll be teaching these fuzzballs a thing or two."

********

The Home shuddered violently, and protested the treatment with a
metallic groan.  Josh started to scan the room, searching for the source
of the noise, but the Home was shaking violently by now, and not just
because of the turbolaser impacts.  The Home gave another shriek - and
the pipe burst.

Josh couldn't identify the liquid that was spewing out over his
teammates - but whatever it was, it sure didn't look pleasant, and the
fumes smelt unpleasantly industrial.  Josh took a deep breath, fumbled
with his harness and stood up, only to collect a flying, screaming Ewok
on his chest, knocking him back on his seat and forcing him to exhale.

Confused, Josh pushed the panicked Ewok off him, looking around in
confusion as to its source, only to find Bracca waggling one hairy
finger at him.  Josh frowned, and moved to stand up again, but the
Wookiee wound up to throw the lone Ewok that was still in her grasp, and
Josh thought better of it.

Then, as suddenly as the leak had begun, it was over.  The Noghri had
not only managed to unhook themselves in the few moments since the
rupture, they'd formed a pyramid to a cutoff valve and stopped the
leak.  Even after seeing the Noghri fight, it was difficult to grasp
just how quickly the gray-skinned killers could move.  Bracca roared
something, but with the noise in the cabin and the roar in Wookiee, Josh
didn't understand.  He buckled himself back in, and nodded back at
Bracca.

*******

"So, how come you speak Basic?"  That was Otom, a Human soldier, keeping
a sprightly pace in front of Josh, glancing back every few seconds to
make sure the Hawaiian shirt was still following him.  Of course, the
fact that a Wookiee was acting as rearguard was an extra bit of
reassurance.

"Grew up speaking it," replied Josh, not reassured by the rearguard at
all.  "Only language I know."

The Wookiee roared something in response, that sounded vaguely mocking.
Otom chuckled, and briefly checked Josh's face.  "Guess you didn't
understand that, neh?"

"Not a word.  If word's the word.  What'd he say?"  From Otom's wince,
Josh instantly knew he had made a mistake with his wording.  His fears
were confirmed when a huge shaggy arm wrapped around his neck and
hoisted him about a metre in the air, and the Wookiee began roaring in
his ear.

"Sorry," he choked out with what little air he could get through his
windpipe, "I meant to say 'she'."  The roaring stopped, so he tried
again.  "Sorry."  The hairy arm released him and he fell ungracefully to
the floor, where he tried to regain his breath.

The Wookiee roared, and Otom translated.  "Bracca says you're forgiven.
But I'd suggest you don't do it again."

"Insult such a vision of feminine beauty?" Josh asked, climbing to his
feet, glancing back at Bracca, kneading his throat.  "Wouldn't dream of
it.  But what did she say?"

Otom grinned.  "How long you say you've been a soldier, boy?"

"About three weeks.  What's that got to do with anything?"

Otom shook his head, still grinning.  "I wouldn't want to warp your
fragile little mind."  He turned around, and kept walking.

Josh followed.  "It's plenty warped already.  Ask anyone."

Otom called out without turning around, "Bracca, you think he's warped
enough?"  The Wookiee roared her reply, and Otom shrugged at Josh.
"Sorry, kid.  Tough luck you don't speak Wookiee."

"Oh, I can *speak* it, after a fashion, but I've got no idea what it
means."  Josh began to roar in a creditable impression of Bracca's
voice.   Otom stopped dead, and Bracca purred a reply.  "What'd I say?"

Otom's shoulders began to shake, and he turned back to face Josh, barely
able to speak for laughter.  "You into xenophilia much?" the soldier
managed.

Josh blushed scarlet, throwing agitated glances back and forth between
Bracca and Otom.  "Uh, no, uh, not really, uh, not that that's any
reflection, uh, I mean, I didn't know what I was saying, uh, I'm a
stay-within-my-own-species kind of, uh, not that there's anything wrong
if, uh, you know, but I'm not."  Bracca was grinning at him, and Otom
was leaning face-first into a wall, trying to breathe.  "No offense,"
he finished weakly.  Bracca patted him on the shoulder again, and
purred.

"There'll be time for that after we kill some imps," Otom said, a wide
grin still splitting his face.  "Come on, we've got work to do."  He
turned and opened a heavy wooden door, leading Josh and Bracca out into
the daylight.

Josh stopped in the doorway, dumbstruck.  Several huge transports were
sitting in a cluster, the centre of a storm of activity.  Soldiers were
everywhere, in various types of armour, transporting and inspecting
weapons, calling out jargon to each other that was incomprehensible even
when they were speaking Basic.

Josh followed Otom through the throng, trying to keep in mind that some
of the people nearby had more than the human quota of appendages.  He
was briefly distracted by a Quarren making a loud hoot, so completely
failed to notice the power droid stoically cutting its way across his
path.

The box with legs gonked loudly as Josh cannoned into it, bruising his
hip.  "Sorry, mate," he said reflexively, holding his hands out in a
placating gesture.  "Didn't see you there."

"Gonk," replied the power droid, and somehow contrived to seem fed up
with people bumping into it.  It gonked another couple of times for good
measure, and stalked off through the crowd.

Eventually, Otom reached one of the transports, and snapped a salute to
one of the officers.  Josh missed most of the exchange, since a Twi'leki
female had scooted past, carrying the armour that she had not yet put
on.  Since she was also carrying the jumpsuit to wear under it, Otom had
to shake Josh's shoulder rather hard to regain his attention.

"You done enjoying the scenery?"  Josh nodded mutely, and glanced at the
Ithorian officer.  Otom hooked a thumb towards the officer.  "Listen,
Mr. Quordlepleen here'll fit you out for some armour and stuff.  You
need to strip, though, so he can get a bit of a reading on you."

Josh threw a glance in the direction of the Twi'lek, who had vanished
into the crowd.  "Out here?"

"Where else?  We don't have much time, you know.  And you don't have to
flop out your hydrospanner, either, if that's what you're worried about
-" Otom winked - "wouldn't want to put Bracca off at this early stage,
would we?"

Bracca roared something, and Otom translated, "And the sooner we can
burn that shirt the better."

Josh nodded, and quickly removed most of his clothing, exposing his
bacta patches to the world.  Josh's burns tingled as the officer ran
some kind of instrument over him, and the Ithorian asked in a hooting
voice, "Would it be polite to inquire how you came by such impressive
injuries?"

Josh shrugged, and said, "Near miss from an AT-ST."

Otom shook his head.  "Did it get taken down?"

Josh grinned back at him.  "Did it myself."

*******

The pounding had dropped off to nothing, but the cacophony duties had
been smoothly picked up by the engines.  Josh noticed most of the New
Republic soldiers beginning to do a final check of their equipment.
Josh decided to follow suit, checking his blaster's charge, making sure
his breath mask was in place, until he got distracted by the sight of
his own hands.  *Do me proud,* he told them silently, inspecting them -
the scars, the hair pattern, that little patch of skin on his left hand
that refused to have even a trace of a tan, the bacta patches plastered
over much of his right - then he clenched his fists and, with his eyes
closed, began to pray.

*Anyone out there?  God, the Force, Vishnu, Eris, even L. Ron bloody
Hubbard if you're not a total quack - if anyone's listening, if anyone
cares, please see me through today.  Or if you can't see me through, see
through everyone else.*  He drew a deep breath through his nose and
exhaled.  *Just don't let me die up here.*

Even though the engines were still screaming, Josh sat back in his seat
and began to sing, realising as he did so that David Bowie's 'Space
Oddity' hadn't stopped cycling in his head.  "Although I've come a
hundred million miles, I'm feeling very scared, and I think my spaceship
knows which way to go..."

Whether it was through a divine agency, or simply a psychological trick,
as the Home's engines began to settle down, so did Josh's stomach.  The
terror that had been churning in his gut for the last few hours was
replaced by a serene acceptance.  Either he would die today, or not.

Even so, as Josh climbed out of the seat, one thought crossed his mind.
*I never got to see Earth from space.*

But as the Ewoks began to swarm out of the ship, his worries ceased.  He
had work to do.

********

Ground Control to Major Tom,
Your circuit's dead, is there something wrong?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
                -'Space Oddity', David Bowie