Project Boussh: Disorientation by Durandir The High Palace had certainly seen better days. Llessur Atner did not need to wander every hall of the immense building to see the extent to which it had fallen from its former glory. The evidence of its demise met her at every turn. It was, of course, still the same stately edifice; the underlying architecture was unchanged. But the grandeur, the glory of the days she remembered, the beauty and elegance...Had everything she loved about the place flown when Enad died, when Eugor took the throne? Then, too, there were the battle scars. The flood of memories that had pressed upon her in the courtyard, when she saw her beloved home again after so long, had clouded her eyes to the signs of the struggle outside the building, but now, after she had settled into her chambers--her own chambers, from the old days, yet how foreign they now seemed to her!--there was no denying what she saw inside. Scorch marks everywhere, tapestries torn to bits, stains that could only be blood defiling both the carpets and even the stone pavements...The poor Palace had certainly seen better days. Change, at her age, was bound to be unsettling, she reminded herself. And if the Palace had changed for the worst under Eugor's reign, surely now that Thayer held power, it would change again for the better. It would hardly be possible for it to get any worse, no matter what changes Thayer might institute. Yet all the same, it was a pity to now see the place so empty, so void of the life with which it had once sparkled so. As she descended a gently curving stairway into the Grand Hall (that largest and--once upon a time--most magnificent of all the chambers in the Palace, where as Queen she had held so many receptions, honored so many dignitaries, courted so many courtiers to win their favor for her husband), for a moment a bit of that sparkling met her eyes again. There at the foot of the stair stood a couple hand in hand, eyes locked, moving toward a kiss--sparkling for each other regardless of the emptiness of the Hall around them. Upon closer inspection, it proved to be her own son. And in his embrace, the girl who'd been with that welcoming party when the Queen had arrived. Llessur frowned and hurried on down the stairs, taking care that they should hear her approaching footsteps well before they reached the kiss. In that, she succeeded; just as they were about to kiss, they heard her approach, started slightly at the sound, and looked up. The girl blushed immediately, but Thayer, though he could hardly avoid looking sheepish, maintained his composure otherwise. "Mother," he began uncertainly, "we just--" "I can see, Thayer. I'm certain you need not explain yourself to me," she said coldly, her expression implying the opposite of her words. "Your Highness," the girl spoke up, timid and quiet. "It isn't--" "And *you*," the Queen said, turning her glare on the girl so that she blushed even more fiercely and fell silent again, "certainly have nothing to explain." "Mother--" "I am sorry to have interrupted you. I am sorry to see that the Palace has come even to this--" She turned to go, but Thayer caught her arm. "Mother, stay a moment. I would speak with you." She looked back to see his face set, determined: a look of determination she'd known so well in Enad. Her son's likeness to his father startled her at that moment. She'd seen how much he had grown up in the years they'd been apart, but yet-- "What's to say?" she countered quietly, a bit less coldly than before. "Infinite things, Mother," he smiled. "We've not seen each other in years, and you ask what's to say?" She frowned, glancing again in the girl's direction. "Clearly, much has changed in those years." "And therefore I've much to say to you." He took his mother's hand in his left--his right still held the girl's--and turned the two women to face each other. Llessur's glare darkened again, while the younger woman's blush gave way to a nervous paleness. A sort of fear played tag with a something else behind her eyes--a something kinder, brighter, yet without any name Llessur could put to it. Thayer continued, "I would that the two of you--" "We have met," Llessur reminded him. "Though I see now that your introductions then were...somewhat silent as to the nature of your acquaintance with this girl." "Yes, well, that is what I wish to explain--" "And I've already said: You need not explain yourself to me." She pulled her hand away and again turned to go, but again Thayer caught her arm. "Thayer," the girl spoke then, in a whisper anxious and pleading, "maybe I'd better just go. I'm not making this any easier for you or for her, by being here." The Dictator considered a moment, then nodded. "All right. We won't be long, and I'll catch up with you soon." He dared not try again to kiss her, with his mother frowning over them, but he did make so bold as to raise her hand that he still held and kiss it, so that she broke out into a silly grin, barely suppressing a giggle, as she ran off. Thayer, sporting the same silly grin, watched her go and then turned back to the Queen. "Mother--I am sorry if--" "And well you should be," she glowered. "Perhaps you think that because you are now Dictator, you are entitled to do as you please-- but with that office come certain responsibilities. Your duty to your people--" "Mother, I know perfectly well my duty to my people," he laughed. "Then how is it that I find you here, dallying with this girl, this--" "I am not dallying," he frowned. "And it's not 'this girl'. It's Becki. Rebecca. She is one of our allies, part of the group that made victory possible for us in the battle yesterday. She's my friend." "I should not have called it friendship, from what I just saw." "Well, yes," Thayer smiled. "I'm in love with her, Mother. And--" "And you do not see the problem with that?" Llessur took a step back, standing straighter, assuming her most regal bearing. "What is this love to come to? Are you--as I said--only dallying? Or do you mean to marry the girl?" "I am not dallying," he repeated, straightening into his own most regal bearing, making what little advantage he could of the few inches taller than his mother he stood. "But you cannot marry her," the Queen whispered. "Why can't I? There is no law against it." "Your duty to your people," she said again. "The woman you marry shall be their Queen. You must think of that." "She'll make a fine Queen," Thayer insisted. "Will she? How do you know? You can hardly have known her long." "Well--a few days--but so much has happened in those days, it seems much longer! And I've seen enough of her in that time to know that I love her, and to know that there is no reason she should not be Queen." "A few days! Son, what of Kirret Xarim? Her you've known all your life, and she was to have been your bride." "She is to be someone else's bride now, Mother," Thayer smiled. "She's marrying Reth Nivag--do you remember him?" "Nivag? Why, he's as common as they come. Kirret ought to marry someone of her own status--she was raised to marry you, raised to be Queen." Thayer shook his head slowly. "Yes, so she was. But everything's different now. She's got no wish to be Queen, and it's Reth she loves. As for me--" "As for you," Llessur said coolly, "You clearly left your senses behind when you went to the throne. I'll hear no more of this." She turned and started up the stairs. Thayer followed her, ran ahead of her, and stood in her way looking down at her. "Wait," he insisted. Llessur tried to stare him down, but the mingled joy and sorrow in his eyes prevented her. At last she sighed and averted her gaze, looking down at her shoes, wincing slightly when she noticed the bloodstains on the stairway there. "I would not have you angry with me," he said quietly. "Your first day back in the Palace--you should know only happiness." "Happiness has eluded me so long," she whispered, "I am not sure it knows how to find me now." "Oh, in Mendellia, of course it knows how to find you. We keep extra happiness in stock in the Palace now," he winked. "Plenty for you, plenty to make up for everything." She laughed and relented, embracing her son. "Thayer, what am I to do with you?" "Be happy in my happiness. Oh, Mother, you will come to love her--she is all sweetness, merry and clever and--" The Queen stiffened slightly at this return to an unpleasant subject. "I would not have you act unwisely. I am not certain this love is for the best." "It is. You'll see. But--it pains you still, so let us not talk of that now, all right? We shall speak of something else." "Of what?" "Of...well, of all that has happened. Did you know, Mother, I flew in battle for the first time yesterday?" His eyes sparkled as she looked up at him in alarm. "Thayer! You didn't--are you--" "I'm standing before you quite whole and well, Mother; obviously I survived." "Oh, had I known, how I would have worried! I can hardly bear to think of it--the risks you take--" "Then," he frowned and glanced down, "I fear I must give you cause to worry again. I wish it were not necessary, but..." "What is it?" "There's to be another battle today, and I mean to fly again." "Another battle? But son, you are the Dictator now; your place is here--" "My place," he said firmly, but smiling, at ease in his decision, "is with my people. And my people will be flying in the battle. There are nearly three squadrons' worth of Mendellian pilots who survived the battle yesterday, and I mean to have them join Terra Group and the New Republic forces in the fight. And Reth and I will lead them." "But why? Why should you send our pilots into this battle? It is not Mendellia's fight--" "Yes, it is," he insisted. "Truly, all of Terra shares in this fight. There is a ship in orbit--my uncle's ally, and far more powerful than Eugor ever was. He could lay waste to this whole planet easily if he wished; it is up to us to defend our world. Other countries may not send aid against this enemy, but that should not stop Mendellia from doing what is right. And of course--other countries don't have the resources we do to aid in this fight, for we've got my uncle's starfighters, and no other nation on Terra has such craft at this point. But most importantly--Terra Group came to our aid. And a week ago, when I first met the New Republic pilots and led them here to rescue Becki and their other captive comrade, I pledged to them my aid and my honor. Now I mean to keep my word and aid them as they aided us." "Then send the pilots; but there is no need for you to go into battle again." "I am their leader, Mother. I cannot, in good conscience, send them where I would not go. Anyone can keep watch over this Palace," he grinned, "but it is a rare Dictator who will lead his people into battle and fight as one of them." "So determined," she sighed, giving up at last. "Like your father. Well, go fight your battles then; I cannot stop you. But what you said is not quite true--that anyone could keep watch of the Palace. It's not just the Palace; it's the country. I hope you have given thought to its welfare in your absence." "Of course. Kirret will govern while I am away--that is why I made her my Minister of State, you know. There's no one in this island whom I'd trust more to keep things running smoothly--after all," he winked, "she *was* raised to be Queen. And she'll have you here to help her, as well. I myself could hardly hope to govern better than the two of you together." "Flattery again," said Llessur wryly. "Still, it's a good choice. Kirret will do well. So you will fly. What of this girl...Becki?" "She'll be in the battle. I don't know where yet; their leader will give the assignments later today." Llessur fixed her son with a knowing glance. "And her presence in the battle wouldn't by chance have anything to do with your decision to fight?" He grinned, slightly abashed, and glanced away. "Well, I can't go with her to keep her safe. But I'll be a little nearer her in the air than I would be here." The Queen sighed and shook her head, muttering to herself, "Hopeless." To Thayer she said, "Well, then. You are Dictator, and I will support you. May the battle go well for you! But as for this other matter, your being in love: I hope you will not do anything rashly. It is a decision which affects far more than just the two of you." Thayer smiled. "I know, Mother. Don't worry." He bent and kissed her on the cheek, then straightened. "Now, I have to go; there's much yet to do before the battle. You'll be all right?" "Fine, son, fine." He nodded and hurried away, and Llessur stood there a moment, staring off into space, then staring down at the bloodstained stairway. At last she turned and started up the stairs again, wondering momentarily where in the Palace the Dictator kept this stock of extra happiness.