Project Boussh: Caginess
by Vickie Boyd

Vickie paced back and forth in the room that served as her cell. She
felt like a caged animal. Meditation had grown old. They had cut the
computer off from the network. They hadn't even brought her her Gameboy.
The quiet solitude was driving her crazy.

Sure, she had to occasional breaks when someone would come to talk to
her, or bring her food, but those were few and far between. "Damnit,"
she said as she kicked the chair across the room.

A sudden vision of the chair crashing loudly against the wall made her
reach out with the Force to grab it. She caught it right before it hit
and set it on the floor. Walking over, she sat down heavily and put her
head in her hands. "What am I doing?"

She looked around the room. It reminded her of Lister's room on Red
Dwarf. The beds were cubbied in the wall, the computer was on a desk in
the corner, the refresher, which was nothing like she had imagined (then
again, she didn't know how to imagine it since it wasn't something
writers normally described), was in the opposite corner from the desk.
It all seemed surreal.

"Why did I have to go and get myself into this situation? Believing Brad
must be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I can say that,
but I can't believe it. Why?" She groaned into her hands. "This is so
confusing."

She stood and began pacing again. "Let's start from the beginning.
First, Pash Cracken shows up. That right there is so incredible that
this whole thing has to be some elaborate dream. I've had those before.

"Then Corran Horn shows up and tells me that I am strong in the Force. I
guess that explains my elaborate dreams. How could _I_ have the Force?
I'm just a human. But so is Corran. And Luke. And Leia. And everyone
else, except the alien Jedi, of which there are fewer than there are
humans. But, none of this is real, is it?"

She stopped beside the desk and slapped her hand against it. "That felt
real," she said while shaking the feeling back into her hand. She went
back to pacing and thinking. "Ok, so if everything so far has been real,
then what I felt about Brad, that he is good, is real. Then why won't
anyone believe me?

"Maybe I'm just a tool for the dark side. I know my temper gets in my
way a lot. Maybe I've been using the dark side the entire time, but
don't see it as being dark. I mean, Anakin saw no wrong in what he was
doing. But neither did Mara, and she's never been seen as going to the
dark side.

"Now I'm confusing myself. Dark side, Light side. What difference does
it make on Terra? Maybe the Force is neutral." She stopped and leaned
against the wall, banging her head against it. "'Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi,
you're my only hope!'"

As the echo of her plea faded, she began to laugh. How ironic for her to
use that line. A possible Jedi crying for the help of long gone Jedi.
She knew there would be no help from Obi-Wan. But perhaps there could
be. Perhaps through his teachings, as well as those from Yoda, Qui-Gon
and all the other Jedi that had been written about, she could find
exactly what she was looking for. An end to the confusion.

She sat down and began writing all the teachings she could remember on a
piece of paper. If only she had her books...