Project Boussh: Epilogue: Beer, Bacta, and, Uh... I Forget
by Josh Nolan

Just what did I get up to last night?

Why does my head hurt?

And what *is* that smell?

Okay, let's walk through last night.  See if I can figure out how I got
here.

Wherever 'here' is.

Okay.  I woke up in bacta while Ooryl and Vickie were there - I'm so
glad someone put that loincloth on me.  That could have been really
embarrasing.  I got out of bacta later, and Ooryl was still there, and
he was even keeping a couple of stubbies cold.  Damn, Ooryl's cool.  And
the beer hit the spot - got that bloody bacta taste out of my mouth,
that's for sure.  I had an empty stomach, though, so it hit fairly
hard.  Anyway, that weird 2-1B told me about how badly beaten up I'd
been, yada yada, Ooryl gave me crap about being shot, and I put on those
fatigues they had waiting for me.  They looked pretty good - especiallly
after I got at my hair with those clippers.  It's just a shame I was
still limping a bit.  Oh, yeah, the 2-1B gave me my lightsabre back,
too.  God only knows how the droid ended up with that, but I'm kind of
glad it made it out as well.  Ooryl gave me a rundown on how the mission
went... Oh.  Shit.  Alison's gone.  Crap.  That should have been me.
There was something else, as well...

That's right.  Someone cloned me.  Don't know why they'd bother, but...
the clone killed Korak.  Bastard.  Makes me feel like my getting shot
was *really* worthwhile.  Deep breath.  (What *is* that smell?)  And
Vickie killed the clone.  Too late to help Korak, of course.  But Vickie
had pulled the clone out because she thought it was me.  Did I thank her
for that?  I hope so.

I remember hopping on the microphone, and saying something.  That's
right, a toast for the fallen.  We lost a ship out there, didn't we?
Not just the Admonitor...  the Defiant!  That's it.  I wonder if anyone
told them about DS9?  Not that it'd do any good now.  Christ, a lot of
people got involved in this.  And how many of them aren't going home?

Alison, for one.

Yeah, I also remember Vickie asking me to dance during that bloody Limp
Bizkit wankfest.  That's right she's a captain now.  Woohoo Vickie!  I
could hardly refuse an order - hang on!  I'm a captain too!  How the
bloody hell did that happen?  Cap'n Josh!  Arrrrrr!  Sci needs to be
locked away, honestly.  Oh, cool, I *did* thank her.  Yup.  And then PK
came along and *didn't* screech my ears off!  I guess she finally took a
chill pill.  She even gave me some of that Idaho vodka.  Hoo, that was
strong stuff.

'Cos after that, things get hazy.

Let's see...  I know I tried to thank Brad... but, well, I was kind of
incoherent.  Not to mention my mouth wasn't doing what it was told.  I
know I threw up at least once, over that Ewok - though when did I eat
any carrot?  Did I really slice that table in half with my lightsabre?

And who was that woman who hit me?  I remember thinking, "That'll hurt
in the morning..."  Yup, I was right.  Ow.  Was it Plourr?  What the
hell was I thinking getting Plourr mad at me?

Was I thinking?  "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never
gonna keep me down!"  I guess having no pain response helped.

I remember getting up on that table and trying to dance.  I seem to
remember having some kind of bull session with the other Josh - yeah, it
degenerated into 'I'm more Josh than you,' I think.  That would have
been before I tried to talk to Brad, because I think I was actually
making sense.  Or at least talking properly.

Who the hell would I have been mooning from the battlements?  I've never
mooned anyone in my life...

I remember being off somewhere with a whole pile of Ewoks and a
bonfire.  They were having some kind of ceremony about me, I think.  I'm
not sure if I was actually supposed to jump through the fire.  I think
the guys from Canis Squad were there, too.  No, that was when I was
trying to do a handstand in the kitchens.  I hope I didn't break
anything.

Did I see Vickie and Pash getting it on?  No, that's right, she's got a
clone now.  Slightly less evil than mine, apparently.  Or maybe more
evil - either way, I don't think Pash minds.

And what was I saying to Wedge - "You fly X-Wings the grousest?"  I hope
that was it.  I hope it came out properly.  Was that before or after the
going shot for shot with Russell?

And just how *did* Russell go with PK?  I remember thinking 'he's more
trashed than I am'... but when was that?

Hang on, I think I just remembered who I was mooning - someone in an
*X-Wing*?  My God.  What the hell was an X-Wing doing flying around
where I could moon it?

And just how much had Emily had to drink?  Wes seemed to lap it up,
though.  Dirty perve.  (There's that smell again.)

Morwen must think I'm *such* a derro.  I do remember the looks she was
giving me.  Ouch.

And Sci... I know Mike wanted me as a decoy for something...  But was
that one of those decoy things where the real joke's on the decoy?
Well, he didn't want me to stand around wearing nothing but a lampshade
on my head, so I guess that's a good sign.

Though didn't I end up doing that anyway?  How flogged was I?

I know I was in the ocean at one point.  How the hell did I end up
there?  Did that have anything to do with the conga line?

And Thayer and Becki... oh, I didn't.  Please.  Why the hell did I try
and talk to them?  I'd already failed at talking when trying to speak to
Brad - why in hell did I try to talk to those two?  What did I try and
say?  Was it my pirate impression?  Oh, man...

So where the hell am I now?

Nothing else for it.  I'm just going to have to open my eyes and find
out.  And also find out what the hell that thing on my chest is.

*********

Josh opened his eyes, and studied the canopy of the four-poster bed for
a few seconds.  Then, cautiously, he lowered his gaze towards his chest,
and saw something brown and shaggy lying across it.  He panned his gaze
towards his right side, and encountered even more brown fur.  He kept
turning his gaze until he was looking along the bolster at a face.

Bracca was still asleep, a slight Wookiee grin on her face.  She exhaled
again, giving Josh another dose of the strange scent he'd been whiffing
since he awoke.  Josh turned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Oh, *smeg*," he whispered.