Project Boussh: An Unmitigated Evil
by Majick

        The five defendants were led into the courtroom.
Around them, the crowd hissed and catcalled their
every movement, showering them with abuse and balled
up paper. Flanking the women protectively, the three
men received the majority of the abuse, with the
black-haired man receiving a face full of tobacco
juice for his gallantry. With his hands cuffed behind
him, he couldn't wipe his eyes clear, and he futilely
tried to blink the vile, sticky goo from his eyes.
        "Order, order in the court. I will have order!" The
judge roared, slamming his gavel on the bench so hard
that the end flew off and mildly concussed a reporter
who was sitting in the public gallery.
        The accused took their places at the defence table,
and briefly leaned into whisper with their counsel, a
dark-haired young woman who was out massed
considerably by her opposing counsel. The prosecutor
stood, scraping his fingers back through his bright
red hair, and approached the bench.
        After a brief consultation with the red-haired man,
the judge nodded curtly and banged his miraculously
repaired gavel on the bench. Several people in the
gallery ducked.
        "Due to the nature of this trial, prosecuting counsel
is permitted two minutes to accept adulation and gifts
from the public."
        "Objection!" cried the defence counsel, but her
backcountry voice was drowned out by the noise of the
crowd. The two female defendants wept silently as
members of the PTF threw their underwear at the
prosecutor. Leaning across the barrier into the crowd,
he took money, gifts, comm-numbers and hotel room keys
from all and sundry, before the judge rapped his gavel
again.
        The crowd quietened somewhat as the prosecutor
returned to his table, discarding his loot before
tossing a careless wink at his adoring crowd. The
female defendants, ho really looked remarkably
similar, sobbed all the harder.
        "Order, order, I will have order!!! Why are those
women crying?"
        The defence counsel stood, and said "Apparently my
learned friend seduced my clients simultaneously,
claiming to love them." The crowd hissed, and cries of
"Harlot!" and "Cow!" rang around the courtroom.
        "Objection!" the prosecutor roared, his bright orange
legal robes billowing majestically around him as he
leapt to his feet.
        "You honour, these women are clones. It would be
unfair of me to confine myself to just one of them.
Besides... What I said was how I felt before I
discovered the extent of her and her...
co-conspirators crimes."
        "Pash!" the women screamed simultaneously. The three
men were forced to hold them down, but the judges
water jug still flew from his bench, missing braining
the red-haired man only when he ducked at the last
second.
        "Your honour, please!" the prosecutor begged, from
underneath his table.
        "Quite right, counsel. Bailiffs! The ysalimiri."
        Two lizards were placed on the defence table, on top
of the defence attorney's vital notes. Her objection
was swiftly overruled, and the trial continued.
        The prosecution called its first witness: Rich Boyd.
        "She was too busy, she said. I only wanted a toasted
sandwich, but oh no! She was too busy, getting herself
cloned, running off with another man -saving your
presence- and worst of all... she ruined the
timeline!!!"
        Boyd retired amid a chorus of jeers and boos, all
aimed at the sobbing, dark-haired women sitting at the
defence table
        The next witness was Dorset Konnair, who confessed to
sharing an 'intimate' relationship with the
dark-haired man in Imperial uniform.
        "You know what pillow talk is," she said. "He told me
everything. His plans to betray the Empire and the
Republic, his plot to establish himself as head of a
droid army and conquer the universe... And his
ultimate ambition to wreck the timeline!!!"
        The jeers were quieter this time, but only because
Dorset had chosen a micro mini-skirt for her court
appearance, and had every man in the room focussed on
her.
        Ooryl Qrygg was next, looking dashing in his dress
uniform.
        "Bug boy, Josh named Ooryl. Constantly he would
insult me, berate me, mockingly imitate my naivete...
It was more than Qrygg could take. But he did confide
in Qrygg his ultimate plan. To join with his
conspirators, and destroy the timeline!!!"
        Ooryl was followed by Voort Sa'Binring, who had a
surprising tale to share.
        "All that time playing Diablo II... I was just trying
to become close to Nick. He never returned my
feelings. It was too much. I loved that man, but he
spurned me, over and over. Told me to try with the
Ewoks! Said they were more likely to say yes. Said
he'd never enjoyed pork! But one night he got drunk,
and while he slept, I looked through his diary, and
discovered his plan to annihilate the timeline!!!"
        "You honour... I don't think there's any need to hear
the defence's case," Pash said. They're clearly as
guilty as can be. I beg for the maximum sentence."
        "Granted. All rise."
        With the court facing him, the judge rose, and
adjusted the hang of his leather trenchcoat. His
British accent reached everyone in the room without
his needing to raise his voice.
        "For the crime of concocting tales of such
stupendously temporally-ignorant magnitude that they
shredded the very fabric of time itself, causing me to
spend hours upon its repair, you are sentenced to the
maximum punishment. Do you have any thing to say
before your punishment is affected?"
        The defence counsel rose, and nodded. "Your honour,
first off, I don't believe my clients were allowed
proper access to counsel. I mean, I'm a biologist, for
TAWG's sake. Plus, Nawara Ven, my client's first
choice, is mysteriously missing. Also, that banging
and muffled shouting from the prosecuting attorney's
wardrobe sized briefcase is most distracting.
        "Duly noted, counsel, but ignored. No, your clients
are clearly as guilty as is humanly possible, and the
punishment is what they deserve. Bailiffs... Take
these five away, and only return them to normal
society when they are done with their punishment. Only
a restorative spell as a test audience at Farmboy and
Threepio's Inspirational Speech and Action academy can
straighten out these villains."
        The five condemned were led away, and in the
courtroom there was much rejoicing.